PeeWee, one of my friends on FB, thinks I should go to San Diego this weekend and seduce hubbie. He also thinks we should have a real wedding one day. And that having kids doesn’t save a marriage.

PeeWee is full of good advice today. But I tell PeeWee I’m not in the mood for any of the above right now.

God I used to be such a bitch when hubbie would leave for a production gig. Like a night without him would just burst my little world. I’d make him pay for it, by whining or being cold-hearted or indifferent when I would see him or talk to him on the phone. I’m sure he was thinking “why the eff did I marry this attention whore?” It wasn’t about that though. I just want what I want, when I want it, and I can be really impatient.

Now, I want some alone time. I don’t think that makes him happy either. I know he was kinda upset that I didn’t want to drive down with him last weekend, “but I’ll be gone for three weeks.”

I stared at the ceiling as he packed and told him I needed to get more work done on the next book, and get my corporate sponsorship proposal finished, and continue looking for work. Get my life in order. Start kicking some ass and get somewhere with my life, like I used to be able to do, before this…identity crisis.

From Sex, Life, & Hannah::Volume 2, Spring Season (CHAPTER 15: DOCTOR BIG LOVE)

Tonight is the first night I am going out on a real date with someone other than Mr. Smyth. Cain is driving down from Calabasas to pick me up, and then he’s taking me to Koi on La Cienega.

This is no small feat. He lives an hour north of me and I, in L.A. traffic, live an hour away from Koi. His wanting to spoil me like this doesn’t surprise me, however. Cain is a true gentleman. He’s intelligent and witty, sophisticated, and extremely thoughtful.

He discreetly snuck me two extra pieces of chocolate cake at his sister’s wedding. He also paraded me around like a princess on his arm, introducing me to all the wedding guests as his “lady.” And he didn’t once try to kiss me—even though his broad shoulders and blue eyes looked amazing dressed up in a suit, and the mounting sexual tension between us was as heavy as a Bible lying on a blackjack table. Any woman would die to be in my Stuart Weitzman Fevers and Allen Schwartz halter dress right now, waiting to be picked up by a gorgeous man of solid pedigree. And yet, I felt…uneasy.

I had gone to the Benson wedding not expecting to have all that much fun—but I did. I thought the most amusement I would have was watching Celeste squirm out of her comfort zone all night—except she didn’t. She was too busy trying to fend of Cain’s brother, Jake, who became completely infatuated with Celeste after she crossed her legs next to him and exposed the bottom of her lavender garter belt.

I had never seen a man throw himself at a woman as much as Jake did that night. He catered to her every need, meaning he got her a fresh Perrier with a slice of lemon every hour on the hour, and begged her to dance for four more, even though she kept saying “No.”

By the end of the wedding, Celeste wasn’t speaking to me and I had agreed to a date with the doctor.

My Blackberry chirps, and I reach for it with my free hand, the other twisting large curls into my hair with an oversized curling iron.

“I can’t hide the truth from you any longer,” Jack begins dramatically. “The lies, the deception…it’s killing me.”

My dad let me play the entire Appetite for Destruction tape on repeat all the way from Edmonton to San Diego and back when I was 13. What was he thinking…aside from letting my appreciation for good music grow.

1. Everlasting Light by The Black Keys

2. Kool Down (King Britt’s Scuba Remix) by Mark Murphy & Tenth & Parker

3. Beautiful, Dirty, Rich by Lady Gaga…