Posted by on Nov 22, 2011 in Life and Style | 0 comments

boobs 1 adj

boobs 2 adj

Last week @badonlinedates launched the #boobexperiment, which asks the question: Does boob size matter? More specifically, how would a night out on the town in a push-up bra be different? The above pictures are me in a shirt I have worn with and without one of these miracle bras. My thoughts? Read below.

The first thing I want to say is: I have small breasts. I buy a 34B, because I like the fit, but I don’t fill out a 34B the way a Victoria’s Secret model does. If I were to be a more honest bra purchaser, I would probably buy a 34A, but hey, it’s my money, and I’ll spend it the way I want to. I also buy padded push-up bras, because I do think size matters. Sometimes.

This is of course a loaded question and a complicated answer. Does your breast size make you any more or less of a woman? Absoloutely not. Do larger breasts get more attention? Yes. Do they look better in certain types of clothes? Yes. Naked? Depends on shape. Will they help you get a job? Probably at Playboy. Will they make it easier for you to land the man of your dreams? Hell no. Get laid? Nope.

I started buying padded push-up bras for two reasons: 1) I have large nipples, and seriously, if I didn’t wear a padded bra I would get way too much attention at inappropriate times and places, like the office, and 2) I was a bartender and waitress for a couple years out of high school and felt it would be a strategic move in that type of environment. But here is where my complete devotion to padded pushup bras ended.

There was this regular at the bar I was a waitress at. He was taking classes at U of C, on the swim team, and I was totally hot for him. He also had this on-again-off-again girlfriend he would always bitch to me about. I found the fact that he confided in me endearing and also a sign that I had a chance. And I was right. A few months into our casual acquaintance he got a wee bit too drunk at the bar and asked if I could drive him home. Of course I could, and when I pulled up to his place and parked to let him out, we started making out instead.

“You are so saucy,” he whispered in my ear after we moved our make-out session from my car to his couch, “and you have the perfect breasts.”

I kinda laughed, awkwardly, and actually started trying to divert his hands away from my boobs because remember, I was still in my bar get-up wearing, not one, but two, padded push-up bras that night (don’t judge, I was trying to maximize my tip potential). Finally I couldn’t take it anymore, “I have to go, this isn’t right, you have a girlfriend,” I said, a total lie, because honestly, I could’ve cared less about his up-and-down relationship at that moment. What I did care about at that moment was him suddenly finding out that my “perfect” breasts were really made of foam.

I still love my padded push-up bras. And there are still definitely times, when I want a certain look that only my padded push-up bras can provide. But honestly, if I really want to get laid I go bra-less. That was the case when I was single, and that’s still the case now that I’m a married woman, and I even married a “boob guy”, go figure.

Would my swim-team stud still have thought I had “perfect” breasts if I hadn’t been packing two sets of foam that night? Probably not. The majority of us have been socially programmed to perceive a certain type of look to be physically appealing, and hence, respond to a certain look, which is why you don’t see much variation in Victoria’s Secret models. And it may be more than just social programming. I read an article recently about how the bigger your eyes, lips, breasts, and hips, the more attractive you are to the opposite sex because it is a symbol of your fertility.

If I hadn’t been “packing” that night, would my swim-team stud have still asked me to drive him home that night? My 17-year boob experiment tells me: Absoloutely yes. Especially if he had seen my nipples popping through my shirt.

p.s. Based on my quick Facebook and Twitter poll, 70% of you agree with me on this one.