Q. I need some serious advice about this guy I have been dating for approximately two months.
The first month was a little weird, because we met through a mutual friend, became instantly interested in each other, but I was dating someone else. We eventually went on two dates, and it became obvious to me that I should drop the other guy I was seeing. Then, as fate would have it, he went on vacation for 2 weeks and then I went on vacation for a week. So there were 3 forced weeks of not getting to see him, but I actually got to know him through phone calls, emails, and text messages while we were apart.
When we finally reunited, things got REALLY hot and heavy, but over the last 4 weeks, I have noticed a pattern that is making me anxious.
We will have the most amazing weekends; spend 3 days straight together. But come Monday, I won’t really hear from him…until Thursday. And we’ll make plans for our amazing Friday through Sunday bliss… but come Monday…it’s back to the same, and I get extremely anxious when there is little to no communication between us. I want to tell him that I need to communicate with him DAILY even if it’s just talking on the phone for 5 minutes, but I don’t want to come off as being crazy or needy. Is this normal dating practice? Is he playing games? Am I expecting too much, too fast? I really don’t want to freak him out as it has technically only been 2 months (minus 3 weeks of vacation) of us seeing each other.
Also, with this inquiry comes my next thing, which also makes me just as anxious: THE TALK. I want to ask him what he wants out of our relationship, and where it’s headed. I’m turning 28 in a few months and I don’t want to be wasting my time. So, I want to ask him all of those things, but I don’t want to freak him out and ruin anything. Is it too soon? Should I wait? Do you think he’ll freak out if I ask these things now?
A. The first thing I want to say is this: Feel some level of security in the fact that you’re not “Monday through Thursday Girl”. The fact that he wants to spend his entire weekend with you, and isn’t brushing you off so that he can party with his buddies and see what else is out there, means he’s interested in you, in more than just a casual way.
As for the lack of communication during the week: Talk to him about it. Tell him what your expectations are, and why. It’s not crazy, it’s just being honest. Communicating openly will always set the record straight on where your relationship stands, and if it has potential, will only strengthen it. But don’t put the onus all on him. If you’re feeling anxious about not hearing from him by a certain day, then YOU should initiate the call, or text. He will probably find it rather refreshing to know that you’re confident enough in yourself and your feelings for him to be able to call “just because”, instead of playing the typical dating games.
Once you’ve had that conversation, give it some time before you have THE TALK. I totally get what it’s like to have an agenda at 28, and not wanting to feel like you’re wasting time dating something that’s going nowhere; but…take a long, deep breath, and enjoy your budding romance a little before rushing it down the aisle. It’s not like you guys have been dating for years and are unhappily stuck in a rut. You just started dating and you’re getting to know one another; figuring out what works, what makes you anxious, what your boundaries are, and what you need, which you will discover will change over time, especially once you start openly and honestly communicating with him.