Hannah Blog
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- Book News (11)
- Hannah Style (8)
- Playlists (6)
- Relationships and Sex (14)
- SLH Vol1 Spring Season (members only) (9)
- SLH Vol1 Winter Season (members only) (9)
- The SLH Soap Opera (members only) (29)
Latest Posts
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Sex, Life, & Hannah: Smut or Smart?
March 9, 2010
Sometimes I feel like I need to explain myself. Especially to people who haven’t read my books and just see: SEX in the title. Or maybe they read a risqué excerpt and immediately put the entire series in the soft porn category. Or they read a blog post about me recommending a vibrator and think my next career move is working for the Pleasure Chest. People, you know who you are (DAD!). Did I just write that out loud? I did, because last week I got a bit of a lecture via email from my dad about the “type” of books I was writing. Well, what better way to clear the air than to blog about it to the world. Express your thoughts, expose the truth, and empower yourself. Because THAT is what Sex, Life, & Hannah is really all about: Expressing yourself and being honest so that you can be empowered and get everything you want out of life.
Since we’re talking honesty, I didn’t set out to write a Girl Power book. I wanted to write a fun and frank book about love and relationships, and yes, sex. Because these three things shape so much of your life and who you are (they sure as hell continue to shape my life). We seem to always be talking about who we’re dating or who we wish we were dating, or why we just can’t seem to figure out how to have an orgasm with a man. And if we’re not talking about that, we’re talking about the job we love to hate, or how to give a good hand job (stay tuned). We’re talking about this stuff because it resides in our most intimate thoughts; those thoughts that make us most vulnerable and effect whether we sulk or strut. So we want to feel like we’re not quacked up, and that other people understand, or have gone through what we’ve gone through. When we can relate or others can relate to us, we feel…normal. If there is such a thing, but regardless, when we feel like we’re not alone we start feeling better about things and that we can get through even the most unpleasant hurdle. So whether I intended it or not, Sex, Life, & Hannah WILL make you feel better about things.
To wrap this up I’m going to give away the ending of the book series: Hannah becomes an independent, confident women that gets everything she wants. You know why? Because it’s possible. We all have the power to shape our destiny and be truly happy. It doesn’t matter where you come from or what situation you are in right now–you have the power to change it. And if you don’t know how, read Sex, Life, & Hannah and read this blog because they will help you figure it out.
p.s. Dad, I hope you understand now that your daughter is just trying to do her part to save the world.
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29. Some of us are not into monogomy.
March 8, 2010
From Sex, Life, & Hannah::Volume 1, Winter Season (CHAPTER 6: VALENTINE’S DAY MARTYRDOM)
I push open the large glass-paned doors, finally escaping the number crunchers and mind-numbing mingling. I sit down on a large concrete stair and light up my cigarette. I call Jack.
“Oh my God!” Jack is trying to speak quietly. “You will never believe who’s here. The Police Officer! With some other young buff stud!”
“Are you still classifying yourself as a young buff stud even though you’re now thirty?” Seven days ago, Jack turned thirty and celebrated by starting Botox injections.
“Bitch! You are only eighteen months behind and women never age as gracefully as men unless they’re Asian. Anyway, do you know that she is ignoring me? Walking right by me like she never sucked my balls; hanging on to her man-whore like he knows that her G-spot is one-point-three inches up and to the left.” Jack is not into monogamy, but he is also not into losing…
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28. I scan the room for someone different.
March 5, 2010
From Sex, Life, & Hannah::Volume 1, Winter Season (CHAPTER 6: VALENTINE’S DAY MARTYRDOM)
“We need to get out of here,” I say, slurping up another free cocktail.
“I can’t go yet. People will say I’m not a team player.” Celeste hates large social gatherings but hates the idea of people talking badly about her even more. It’s a terrible thorn in her side.
“Fine. I’m going to find a cigarette.”
She nervously grabs my arm. “Don’t be gone long! You know I don’t like being left alone at these things.” Celeste may be glamorous and smart but she’s a total social-phobe…
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Interview with the Virgin.
March 4, 2010
Before the SLH Blog there was the SLH Bulletin Board, and…in January of ‘08 I interviewed the only virgin I knew. Since this topic is still very relevant, I am re-posting it here, today. In case you missed it the first time:
Last night I started thinking about sex; specifically my sexual history. I started wondering how my sexual experiences had shaped me, and what type of person I would be if I hadn’t had those experiences. No doubt your sexuality shapes the person you are. It can empower you, or make you more self-conscious. It can make you feel more like a woman, more beautiful, or more frustrated.
In today’s over-sexed, over-exposed, over-pleasured society, more people are having sex, more often, more casually, and much earlier in their life. More people are talking about sex more openly than ever, and the media uses it to sell everything from clothes to cars. Fifty years ago the social norm was that you didn’t have sex until you got married, today, it’s considered unusual if you wait that long. But—if I knew then what I know now, would I have waited to have sex? Would I have stayed a virgin longer?
To toggle these curiosities, I decided to interview the only virgin I know. A woman in her mid-twenties who is attractive, intelligent, and not about to give up her flower to just anyone…
What does it feel like to be a virgin in today’s society?
Different. There’s a lot of temptation. The media is very suggestive towards sex. Sometimes I feel like I’m the only one. There’s pressure in feeling like you’re the only one. I know I’m not the only one, but sometimes when I feel that way, I feel disappointed in myself.It’s not that I don’t want to have sex. I want to hook up with someone I’m attracted to instinctively and feel I want a relationship with. I want to be in a relationship with someone. I definitely like feeling sexually aroused.
So why haven’t you done “it” yet?
Reluctance. And most of the time, I’m not aroused by anyone. When I am, often the timing is not right. There’s a guy I’ve been friends with for a while, and I’ve fantasized about having sex with him, but he’s usually in a relationship, or pursuing a girl. It doesn’t feel meant to be with him. And I don’t want to be desperate. I want to wait for someone that I want to be in a relationship with—that would make the experience more pleasurable… -
27. Fantasizing about a virgin.
March 3, 2010
From Sex, Life, & Hannah::Volume 1, Winter Season (CHAPTER 6: VALENTINE’S DAY MARTYRDOM)
I am standing next to Celeste drinking a free cocktail. Celeste is wearing a tight-fitting long-sleeved black velvet dress with buttons running from her kneecaps up to the top of her neck, along with black platform boots and Viva Glam lipstick. Celeste may be conservative and a virgin, but she always dresses like a Hollywood vixen from the twenties…
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February 2010 Playlist
March 2, 2010
1. Slinky by Brownout – For when you’re channeling Starsky and Hutch. And not the 2004 version.
2. Music Sounds Better With You by Stardust – Music always sounds better when you’re in love. Love might bring us back together.
3. Gimme Shelter by Grand Funk Railroad – When you think the world has gone crazy and has piled up so much shit there’s no getting out, remember we’ve been there before, several times over.
4. Electric Avenue by Eddy Grant – Obviously feeling both enraged and depressed by the state of affairs.
5. Summerboy by Lady GaGa – I think this may be the anthem for the SLH Summer Season. Yes, I’ve started work on the next book. So stop being pissed off about the world:)
6. She’s Always In My Hair by Prince – Whenever I feel like givin’ up. Whenever my sunshine turns 2 rain. Whenever my hopes and dreams are aimed in the wrong direction. She’s always there. Tellin’ me how much she cares. She’s always in my hair.
7. Alligator by Tegan & Sara – Alligator tears must mean BIG tears cried over you…over you, over you. That’s what happens when you run around on me. ASSHOLE!
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26. Saint Valentine was a Roman Martyr.
March 1, 2010
From Sex, Life, & Hannah::Volume 1, Winter Season (CHAPTER 6: VALENTINE’S DAY MARTYRDOM)
Saint Valentine was a Roman martyr. Sometime during the third century, the Roman Catholic priest was tortured and beheaded on February fourteenth for marrying soldiers, who were forbidden the tradition by the emperor of the era.
Today, Valentine’s Day is a holiday celebrating love. A holiday when people express their emotions with flowers, chocolate, stuffed animals, jewelry, and other fashionable trinkets. A holiday filled with anticipation and expectation over what that special someone in your life will do to prove their devotion. It is a holiday for starting new relationships, proposing in old relationships, and repairing teetering relationships. A perfect holiday for romance.
Ireland is spending the holiday with her new boyfriend: The Guitar Instructor. After four guitar lessons she perfected the fingering of the G-major scale, and they decided their kinship for music was uncanny and their meeting undoubtedly written in the stars. Some might call this a textbook romance.
Jack is at a Valentine’s Day party for swingers at some ultra–hip, ultra-rich, coffee-shop-chain entrepreneur’s house, where he is going to peruse and experiment with sexually easy people. Some might call this the perfect way to spend the romantic holiday.
I am at a Valentine’s Day work function with Celeste because The Ex still hasn’t called begging me back into his life, and Ben and I didn’t get an opportunity to make plans while bent over the side of my bed in fits of attempted passion. Of course, Clark invited me out to dinner after apologizing profusely for his behavior the other night. He felt just terrible about having drunk too much and causing a scene that ruined a perfectly “magical” evening with his favorite girl. And then he asked me if I really was in love with Ben. I threw my head back and laughed generously as I exclaimed: “Of course not! I drank too much too, and didn’t know what I was saying either.” And then I told him I’d already made plans, closed the door, and wished for a pack of cigarettes to burn away the pitiful state of my romantic life…
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The Art of Pick-Up and the X Factor.
February 26, 2010
Maybe I should have read the book before writing this blog post, and maybe I’ll pick up the book this weekend to further my musings; but, my experience of last night compels me to write about this today. As I drink lemon-ginger water to cure my hangover.
Last night a pick-up artist tried to pick me up. Yes, one of these secret society guys that classifies himself as a geek or loser that has little chance of ever scoring with the chick of his dreams. Or did at one time. Until he went through the twelve-step “become a stud” program and reversed his ill fate.
I repeat my caveat that I have not yet read this book so maybe it addresses everything I’m already thinking, but quite frankly, isn’t the art of pick-up really the art of conversation? And the art of having the balls to start a conversation with someone you feel attracted to? And the art of knowing when to stop? And hence, what I like to call: The X Factor. Because I don’t care how smooth, awkward, or hot-or-not you are, the feelings have to be mutual. Ultimately, people end up together because they are both diggin’ on one another, and as with most animals in our kingdom, the female has the final say. It’s true gentlemen, no means no. But don’t give up, or take rejection too seriously because there is someone (and often many) out there for everyone…
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25. No one wants to be alone.
February 25, 2010
From Sex, Life, & Hannah::Volume 1, Winter Season (CHAPTER 5: REBOUNDING)
It’s ten in the morning. I am sitting on my couch wondering how to spend my Sunday. Ben has already left.
I have decided that whatever Ben is doesn’t matter—rebound, relationship, one-month rendezvous, or one-week sex toy—it’s better than being alone.
No one wants to be alone, not even Jack; maybe that’s what having a rebound is really all about. Whether we’re motivated by obsession, depression, desperation, or deprivation, we want companionship…in the bathtub, on the phone, at dinner, or bent over the side of the bed, faking an orgasm.
To Be Continued…
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24. Faking an orgasm.
February 24, 2010
From Sex, Life, & Hannah::Volume 1, Winter Season (CHAPTER 5: REBOUNDING)
My black dress is hiked up over my ass, my body is bent over the side of my bed, and Ben—his t-shirt still on and his jeans around his ankles—is pumping me so intensely from behind, the bottle of lube springs off my mattress.
My eyes are glued to the porn I threw in, in hopes of getting myself horny enough to come before Ben does…
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The sexual peaks of 18 and 30.
February 23, 2010
All right ladies, we’ve been going over this whole younger man thing for weeks now, and while I totally support the cougars in the crowd, I’m still not sure whether ALL us women should drop everything over 27 and start shackin’ up with a young pup.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m anything but closed-minded when it comes to getting frisky with fresh, firm, young meat. You know I’ve barked up Ben’s tree house quite a few times. And while it’s exhilarating to know that my body is on par with the Spring-Break-going, beer-pong-loving skirts he chases, I’ve found our time together to be a bit…sub par.
It always starts off with a bang. The clothes come off. He gazes at me, and I gaze right back. I fall deep into the throes of admiration for his supple skin, his firm abs, his pure puppy-chasing-a-frisbee excitability. And we start getting it on.
I tell him, “Faster.” He obliges. I tell him, “Slower.” He obliges. I grab his head as if adjusting the speed on a vibrator, and yell out, “Right there. Don’t stop. Don’t you dare stop!”
He lets out a jerk and a moan. And…stops.
I tell myself: I really don’t like orgasms, anyway.
Needless to say, I’ve never been sold on the youngins. I’ve always preferred the well-trained and experienced caresses of a matured man; although…that’s not always worked out in my favor either. So I’m starting to think I’ve been hanging around the wrong Kindercare, because the tots that Ireland and 86% of you Think Tank voters are frolicking with seem to be top-notch…
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23. An unexpected confession.
February 22, 2010
From Sex, Life, & Hannah::Volume 1, Winter Season (CHAPTER 5: REBOUNDING)
Clark and Chopper have this amazing dining room that makes me feel like I’m in the Far East, especially when the candles are lit and the French doors are closed. Leave it to two gay men to create décor that would make Martha Stewart swoon.
The walls are painted deep red, and black-framed sepia photographs from Clark’s world travels adorn the walls in a perfectly linear manner. A wrought-iron chandelier hangs heavy from the ceiling, supporting eight large candles in its wreath. Heavy dark teak furniture enables eight guests to eat, drink, and be merry. Except tonight it is two.
“Where are Ben and Chopper?” I ask from one end of the table.
When Clark asked me to dinner, I’d assumed it would be a family affair. I’d put on a sexy yet inconspicuous black dress, thinking this would be like a pseudo-date with Ben, where he would get to see the charming side of me and I would get surprised by his intellect and wit. We would finish dinner with a whole new admiration for one another and a mutual natural urgency to spend more time together. Then he would take me into his bedroom, and because it wasn’t all about sex this time, we would make love slowly. He would last, and I would get to come…
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OMG I wanna be a cougar!
February 19, 2010
I get an email the other day: I was sitting in a bar two nights ago and this very cute, somewhat drunk boy I was talking to invited me to his place to…listen to Eric Clapton. I bought him a drink but I didn’t take him up on the offer. What’s a cougar to do?
Ummm…take a pack of condoms everywhere you go. Seriously, what’s a cougar to not do. I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about this lately (hence the recent poll) and as far as I’m concerned, if you’re a cougar you have it all. You’re old enough to take care of yourself, and experienced enough to know exactly what you like in the sack. And the best part, you feel no pressure to get married or have kids because you’ve been there and done that. Relationships are suddenly not complicated because they don’t have to go anywhere, and there is a sea of eligible bachelors dying for a no-strings-attached rendezvous. Being a cougar is like getting to relive your twenties the way you always wanted to. So my advice to you: go ahead and be a slut. I’m so jealous.
p.s. more questions always welcome:)
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22. Screwing our heads on straight vs. screwing our brains out.
February 18, 2010
From Sex, Life, & Hannah::Volume 1, Winter Season (CHAPTER 5: REBOUNDING)
Ben is so great. In fact, I think he’s perfect for me. He’s nice. And he has a body I could fixate over for hours. Really, what else do I need?
I reach over for the glass of red wine sitting on my toilet seat, and take a sip. It’s Saturday afternoon so I’m partaking in my weekly ritual of sitting in the tub drinking red wine while shaving my legs—and, on this particular Saturday, thinking about my night with Ben.
I could definitely date Ben. He goes to some kind of college, so I’m sure he’s smart. And he works: a sure sign of determination. And I’m certain that once we go out on a real date he’ll open up. He’ll probably talk so much I’ll be pining for the days when he didn’t.
Admittedly he’s a little trigger happy. But that’s because he thinks I’m hot—it’s understandable. I take a sip of wine and smile, reliving that perfect comment in my head…
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My favorite pocket rocket is the Layaspot.
February 17, 2010
The hunt for the perfect vibrator can be frustrating and expensive. The top drawer of my night table is filled with vibrators that are too small, too big, too textured, so zippy that if not careful they might de-sensitize your bean forever, or take too long to figure out. But girls…I believe the hunt is over.
This is what my fave vibrator looks like, and it’s called the LAYAspot. Why is it my fave? It’s the perfect size to take with anywhere. The shape fits snuggly against your palm and fingers and up agains your…you know. Bottom line: It’s ergonomically correct; no more cramped wrists or risk of carpel tunnel sundrome from excessive use…