Posted by on Mar 29, 2010 in Relationships and Sex | 0 comments

Doctor-Big-Love

Lately I’ve been thinking a lot about Cain. I’m not sure why I blew him off the way I did, and without even a proper taste test of his Superman bod. I keep telling myself I did the right thing. Cain and I only had a couple dates, my hopes were pinned on Mr. Smyth, and I was just being…honest with myself. Or a delusional fool in love as it turns out. But we often do strange things when men, our heart, and our over-analyzing brain get involved.

Post-parting penitence is a crafty little bugger that presents itself in a variety of ways. It’s like a little Linda Blair that creeps into your bedroom at night: Sometimes she’ll spew green slime in your face, sometimes her head will spin around… and sometimes she’ll simply call your mother a whore and leave. You really never know what you’re going to get, or how long it plans on lodging in Newly Detached Inn. Two months since I blew Cain off, I still find myself obsessing.

The fact of the matter is, when you cut out an individual with whom you’ve had even a couple fond memories with, you’re bound to second guess your decision. Yes, I’m still wondering about Ben too… As we learned in our “friends with benefits” discussion, our good friend oxytocin doesn’t discriminate based on compatibility. Even if you want to strangle the dude with his favorite Armani tie (the one that makes him look like Rambo in a gay pride parade), chances are, you’ll miss seeing him put it on and wink in the mirror before heading off to work. Things you’ve grown intimately familiar with, like scent and touch, could give you phantom pains for months.

For many—a good portion of the 78% Think Tank majority, most likely—this remorse is founded. Your life is lacking something he provided (or thought he would eventually), and suddenly you realize that he was more than a fine ass, master of cunnilingus, or metrosexual—he was also a great listener, sincerely sweet, and even though your vagina quivered at the thought, he wanted kids…

Being alone with a bottle of wine at night can do strange things to the mind—it can drown you in confusion, or coddle you in clarity, and break-up remorse clouds your ability to discern the two. Luckily in this instance, time is on your side. Time gives you the opportunity to meet someone new, and learn from your mistakes, so that you don’t break-up with the next eligible bachelor over something silly like thinking the other guy will eventually fall in love with you, and regret it later.

Next we ponder the gold digger in us: If they don’t make enought money, is it a deal breaker? Weigh in.