Posted by on Oct 15, 2010 in Relationships and Sex | 0 comments


We are nostalgic creatures, yearning for those perfect memories of the past: the first glance, passionate kiss, emotional fuck, that private chartered tour around Nassau he took me on…

But we also have selective memory, and seem to conveniently forget the jealous, immature, off-kilter remarks, when we got our heart ripped out, or when he didn’t just get a boner the moment my hand landed on his crotch…

And so, when we hit a dry spell that lasts longer than a season of Weeds, and our vibrator batteries simultaneously peeter out, and we get a call from a number we recognize all too well, we start to believe it’s a “sign”. Yes a sign from, oh, I don’t know, God, maybe, like stigmata, and we start making statements like this to our BFF: “He says he’s changed, and wants to work things out. That things will be different now. And the sex was AMAZING”.

Let’s be real though ladies and gentlemen, and you that voted 73% in favor of not looking back will especially understand: If it didn’t work out the first time, a 2nd, 3rd, 4th, even 5th romp down memory lane isn’t going to be much different. I don’t care that he’s been working out, got a real job, and deleted every Barstar’s number from his blackberry. All those nagging little reasons that started to annoy you the first time after the initial thrill was gone, will come back to annoy again.

Though it may take you months to realize, moving on from a tumultuous relationship is the best way to heal your heart and open yourself to someone more right for you. You know how I know? Because every time I’ve broken up with anyone significant, and thought my life was over, I’d made a terrible mistake, or been dealt the worst hand, I met someone I liked better. Seriously! Here is proof from a 2003 journal entry: I haven’t had such a huge emotional connection to someone since The Ex, but probably more like Warner, where it was just bliss all the way through. Well, until the end.

When The Ex broke up with me I thought I’d never meet anyone like him again, and literally, two months later, I met someone I had an even bigger hard-on for. So…sulk and feel sorry for yourself all you want, but when that number calls press “ignore” and move on. Like Lola says, “Darling, there is no One; there are Many. That’s survival.”