Relationships and Sex

Interview with the Virgin.

by hannah

March 4th, 2010

Before the SLH Blog there was the SLH Bulletin Board, and…in January of ‘08 I interviewed the only virgin I knew. Since this topic is still very relevant, I am re-posting it here, today. In case you missed it the first time:

Last night I started thinking about sex; specifically my sexual history. I started wondering how my sexual experiences had shaped me, and what type of person I would be if I hadn’t had those experiences. No doubt your sexuality shapes the person you are. It can empower you, or make you more self-conscious. It can make you feel more like a woman, more beautiful, or more frustrated.

In today’s over-sexed, over-exposed, over-pleasured society, more people are having sex, more often, more casually, and much earlier in their life. More people are talking about sex more openly than ever, and the media uses it to sell everything from clothes to cars. Fifty years ago the social norm was that you didn’t have sex until you got married, today, it’s considered unusual if you wait that long. But—if I knew then what I know now, would I have waited to have sex? Would I have stayed a virgin longer?

To toggle these curiosities, I decided to interview the only virgin I know. A woman in her mid-twenties who is attractive, intelligent, and not about to give up her flower to just anyone…

What does it feel like to be a virgin in today’s society?
Different. There’s a lot of temptation. The media is very suggestive towards sex. Sometimes I feel like I’m the only one. There’s pressure in feeling like you’re the only one. I know I’m not the only one, but sometimes when I feel that way, I feel disappointed in myself.

It’s not that I don’t want to have sex. I want to hook up with someone I’m attracted to instinctively and feel I want a relationship with. I want to be in a relationship with someone. I definitely like feeling sexually aroused.

So why haven’t you done “it” yet?
Reluctance. And most of the time, I’m not aroused by anyone. When I am, often the timing is not right. There’s a guy I’ve been friends with for a while, and I’ve fantasized about having sex with him, but he’s usually in a relationship, or pursuing a girl. It doesn’t feel meant to be with him. And I don’t want to be desperate. I want to wait for someone that I want to be in a relationship with—that would make the experience more pleasurable…

The Art of Pick-Up and the X Factor.

by hannah

February 26th, 2010

Maybe I should have read the book before writing this blog post, and maybe I’ll pick up the book this weekend to further my musings; but, my experience of last night compels me to write about this today. As I drink lemon-ginger water to cure my hangover.

Last night a pick-up artist tried to pick me up. Yes, one of these secret society guys that classifies himself as a geek or loser that has little chance of ever scoring with the chick of his dreams. Or did at one time. Until he went through the twelve-step “become a stud” program and reversed his ill fate.

I repeat my caveat that I have not yet read this book so maybe it addresses everything I’m already thinking, but quite frankly, isn’t the art of pick-up really the art of conversation? And the art of having the balls to start a conversation with someone you feel attracted to? And the art of knowing when to stop? And hence, what I like to call: The X Factor. Because I don’t care how smooth, awkward, or hot-or-not you are, the feelings have to be mutual. Ultimately, people end up together because they are both diggin’ on one another, and as with most animals in our kingdom, the female has the final say. It’s true gentlemen, no means no. But don’t give up, or take rejection too seriously because there is someone (and often many) out there for everyone…