When I think of male genital piercings, my mind often goes to a dreadful place—a place of Cosmo horror stories and sky-high gynecologist bills. It drifts to that scene in The Sweetest Thing, in which it took an entire emergency response unit, a handful of neighbors and their grandmothers, and an impromptu rendition of I Don’t Wanna Miss a Thing (“Singing relaxes your throat!”) to detach Selma Blair’s mouth from her partner’s bedazzled member. Yep, genital piercing has gotten a lot of bad PR over the years…

I don’t blame the majority of you for voting against hole-punching your happy place for the sake of good sex. There is pain and risk involved, and when you can much more easily read a Kama Sutra guide or buy a quality bottle of warming lube, why subject yourself to that?

But what if you met a guy who just happened to be pierced? Would it be worth a trial-romp, just to see how it feels? I say: Definitely yes.

For every tale of cock metal catastrophe, there are hundreds of women basking in multi-orgasmic glory. Sex is best when it explores uncharted territory, and adding jewelry to playtime can cover longitudes and latitudes of the female anatomy that a naked penis just can’t. The extra millimeters of metal provide clitoral stimulation during pre-coital rubbing, then rub up against the vaginal walls, hit that G-spot,  and, well, you know the rest.

But really now, who are we kidding? There’s really only ONE advantage that sticks with us long-term: the bona fide bad-assness. Dudes will talk a big game, but few can actually stomach a stainless-steel stake being driven into their precious manhood. Knowing that he did it on his own free will—perhaps even for the sake of optimally pleasuring a woman—is sexy as hell.

Even if it only lasts five minutes. Oh Ben…

In my book, this is a prime “you’ll regret not trying this when you’re 50” opportunity. It’s hot, it’s edgy, and it’s got potential to shoot you both to the moon. And let’s face it: we women take much bigger risks for good sex. $200 lingerie, anyone?

I’d like to say I blame my fascination with this question on Khloe and Kourtney Kardashian, but more accurately, I blame Clark and Chopper’s fascination with those two bitches since they’re the ones with the TV and I’m completely at their mercy… For a month now we’ve been gathering ’round the TiVo Wednesday night, and I have to listen to how Clark thinks Scott’s gay, how Chopper thinks he could do so much more with their hair, and how Deirdra’s new goal in life is to poison their stylist so she can take over. OMG! The whole thing is like a car wreck, you can’t help but slow down and look.

This Wednesday I finally thought I was going to get something more out of it. I thought Kourtney was going to beat Scott to the punch and reveal she was gay by getting down with a girl. From last week’s preview snips I could tell however that Scott was not going to cry in a corner about the revelation, but be into it. Because most guys are. And that, is really how this whole thing started.

When Mr. Smyth and I were still ”dating” I remember him asking me once: What if we went to Vegas and got a little crazy…and met a girl we both liked. I thought the question was a test of my committment to him, so I told him I wasn’t really into that kinda stuff. Silly me. It was a red flag of things to come. The guy was more interested in garnering sex stories for his new book than a new relationship. But I digress…

If I were to more accurately answer that question for Mr. Smyth I would probably say: That’s not the kind of stuff you should be dabbling in if you’re serious about someone and in a committed, monogomous relationship. It looks like 67% of you agree with me. Cheating is cheating, regardless if it’s with someone of the same sex. Would you say to your guy: It’s OK if you want to play around, as long as it’s with a GUY?

Why is there such a double standard when it comes to girl-on-girl action? Mr. Smyth isn’t the first one to throw this at me. The Ex was the same way. “Baby, let’s go hook it up with another girl tonight…” he said to me one night as we were heading out to the opening of some club, at which point I turned to him and said, “baby, let’s go hook it up with another guy tonight…” And that basically brought the conversation to a screeching halt. Though I was kinda pissed the rest of the night. Basically what he, like so many men, was saying is this: It’s perfectly fine for us (me) to live out our (my) dirty-two-girl-threesome fantasy, but if you want a threesome with two guys, you’re a dirty whore, and I’m not gay, and it’s so fucked up for you to even bring that up!

As it turns out, Kourtney Kardashian is bi-curious at best, and Scott was kidding around. Maybe. And I got a lot of comments on my Facebook page that alluded to: It depends on your relationships rules. Me personally, unless you’ve established that your relationship is open to whatever either of your libidos desire, cheating is cheating and double-standards are lame.

Here is the question I got on Facebook today:

Q. If you move in with a woman, telling her from the start that you are just friends with benefits and that it’s temporary until you get your shit together, but then she downs a bottle of Aspirin when you tell her you’re moving out ( because you’re sick of her smothering you whenever you’re in the same room and told her so). Is it wrong that your reaction is to go stay at a friends place and order pizza?

She did phone 3 times to say that it was “All your fault and I won’t be here tomorrow.” And “You don’t even care, I’ll find you and die on the doorstep!” And finally “Everything I do, I do for you and get NOTHING in return!

A. Sounds like you basically pimped yourself out for free rent, and (surprise) got yourself into a bad situation.

Sex ALWAYS complicates everything, I don’t care how casual the intention or how everyone involved says “they understand”–unless it’s just a one-night stand and you never plan on seeing the person again. But if it goes on for weeks, months, or (hopefully not) years, you bet your ass someone will get emotionally attached and might pull the psycho card on you. 

If you’re in a bad situation and wanna get your shit together, stay with a good friend whose dick you don’t have to suck every night, or stay with family (even if you know it WILL suck). But definitely get yourself out of the pity fucking situation.  

As far as your girl is concerned, finish your pizza and be a man: Make sure she’s alright. If you can get a hold of one of her friend’s, call them, and get them to check on her. If you have no idea who she hangs with, call a Crisis Management line or your local Police so that they can check on her.

And learn from your mistakes.

Hey! Interested in making your life a bona fide hell, where every step you take is sized up for ridicule by a disgruntled bitch and her entire posse? Then sleep with your friend’s ex! I’m serious about this one, ladies. While our forefathers fought for our right to whatever one-night stand we so choose, this is an instance where we might want to exercise a bit of guarded liberty.

Sure, it may seem like a good idea in the heat of the moment. You’re nursing him through a breakup of epic proportions, drowning his sorrows—and your moral compass—in a bottle of Grey Goose at a local dive bar. Woes soon turn to giggles, which turn to sexy whispers, which turn to you emerging from the ladies’ room and handing him your crumpled up panties. “Let’s blow this joint,” you say like a woman possessed.

And your night of released tension—pent up for three long years, as you watched him hold your BFF’s purse while she tried on jeans at Macy’s—is everything you imagined and more. It feels forbidden, yet ten times better because you know it’s technically not. The entire day after, you’re on top of the world…until you get a call. From your BFF. Distraught out of her effing mind.

Fun fact: Friends’ exes likely still function in the same circles. Another fun fact: Dudes love to run their mouths about whom they’ve banged, especially when they’re rebounding. Fun bottom line: Your friend WILL find out eventually. And it ain’t gonna be pretty.

Whether you fancy keeping the friendship or not is beside the point. A scorned woman’s wrath goes far beyond a broken friendship. A scorned woman will go to the ends of the Earth to ensure that you’re hurting just as much as she is. We all know this is true—we’ve all been scorned women.

So, the question you must ask yourself is this: Is it worth it? Is it worth the silent treatments, the dirty looks, the rumors spread, and the drunken text curse-outs? More importantly, is it worth making someone feel more alone than ever before and totally betrayed? Think about how Hannah felt when she caught her boyfriend in bed with her own sister…no wonder they have issues!

The choice is entirely yours. If this man is your soul mate, you might not mind weathering the shit storm. But if he’s just a shiny thing you were dying to try on for size, then I’m with 67% of voters—don’t go there.

Jenni Perez authored the 2008-2009 edition of the popular sex issues column, “The Wednesday Hump,” in UC Santa Barbara’s Daily Nexus.  Her leap from writing about early twenties dating angst to late twenties relationship anxiety is a natural fit.

I’ve never had sex in an airplane. One of my boyfriends once masturbated sitting next to me on a flight; apparently I was sleeping and missed it. Another time, when I was flying an airplane (yes, I used to fly airplanes) I gave the guy I was seeing a hand job. Don’t freak, I was being safe; the sky was clear, the plane was on autopilot, and he didn’t take long… But no sex.

I always wondered how people got way with it… Unless you were on some private chartered jet wasn’t it too obvious? But the biggest problem, I’d never had the fortune of sitting next to anyone I was attracted to. I’d had plenty of great conversations with interesting people, but none I ever felt compelled to shag until this one flight from Denver to LA.  

It was late, and there wasn’t a lot of people standing in line to get on the B777. I noticed a tall, young, well-built blond and immediately thought: I won’t get to sit next to him. Because that seemed to be my other plight, if there was a hot guy I noticed getting on a plane, I never got to sit by him. This time turned out different.

His name was JP, he was 22, an Airforce fire-fighter, and was sweet enough to reach over from the seat behind mine and offer me some pretzels. According to my diary we totally hit it off, talked the entire flight,  and by the end, I was armed with his number and the fact that he didn’t live that far from my place.

But here’s where the story gets twisted. I was still seeing my on-again-off-again boyfriend at the time. And I was going to therapy over the whole thing. I know, kinda retarded. If you’re in therapy over someone you’re not even married to, isn’t that a really bad sign? Shouldn’t you just break up and move on? But the therapy was more about me than him or us. It was about me trying to figure out why, when I was supposed to be in a long-term, committed, monogomous relationship with someone I loved, was I taking a number from the hot eligible bachelor I recently met on an airplane?

I remember asking my therapist that day: “Am I normal? Is this normal?” My therapist reminded me he disliked using the word “normal”. That there can be some logic found in every action that a person takes. “You want it all,” is what he did say to me. He told me I enjoyed the stability of having a boyfriend, yet also enjoyed the adventure of meeting and dating other men. Maybe I was looking for the bigger better deal, or maybe that was just my “normal”.  

That night, I tossed JP’s number. I guess I wanted to prove something to myself. Maybe that I could be a better girlfriend, or maybe I wasn’t ready to come to terms with my “normal”.

There’s this show I happened upon a few days ago: You’re Cut Off! On VH1. Know what I’m talkin’ about? Yeah, we make fun of people like that, and actually are quite appalled that they really exist. And even though on this show they happen to all be female, we have all stumbled upon the male equivalent. Bottom line, if you come from money, if you’ve made oodles of money, if you’re about to come into a wad of money, the best thing you can do is act classy. And don’t ask for hand-outs. It’s not sexy.

As a general rule: No, you should never “settle” when it comes to finding a lover, partner, boyfriend, or husband. You want someone that can satisfy you, is compatible with you, and that you’re attracted. But I totally understand where 37% of you are coming from, because at the opposite end of the settling spectrum is idealism, which can be just as destructive as settling as far as I’m concerned.

Let me give you an example. But first, a little background. In the Sex, Life, & Hannah series, Hannah has an older sister, Holly, who’s a bit of an intimidating force to be reckoned with (at least in Hannah’s mind). She ran off with their dad’s boss when she was 18, and then he croaked, and then…well let’s just say that Holly’s idea of settling has only to do with estate settlements.

In real life, I have a younger sister, Maggie, who’s a bit of a tortured artist. She’s a pianist, music composer, and likes to dress (and look up to) Elvira. She also has very rigid ideas about the “type” of guy she will date.

Me: Why won’t you date James? You tell me he treats you like a lady when you go out, buys you small presents just because, likes his job, and is cute.
My sister: Well…he’s not artistic enough.
Me: What’s that supposed to mean?
My sister: Well…like…he doesn’t wear makeup.

And so, instead of dating James, who by the way works for the symphony orchestra, she’s found herself a makeup-wearing musician. Who doesn’t have a job, isn’t great in bed, and is a total downer when he’s moody, which is more often than not, because he’s “artistic”.

I know, I know, you can’t control who you like, but you can give people a chance. You are never going to find the perfect man. Even if you think he’s perfect in the beginning, the flaws will eventually come out—especially if you live with him for a few years. The Hot Hollywood writer with the great house may turn out to be an asshole, and the average-looking guy that sells used cars for a living may turn out to be super sweet and rock your world in the sack. Know what I mean? Don’t settle, but don’t get stuck on “type”. When you open yourself to the possibilities, you may get a nice surprise.

Next we ponder: Is it OK to have sex with your friend’s ex?

The first date is more complex than it used to be. We used to meet people through friends, at work, or (eeek) at a bar, but at least we could put a face and first impression to the  name, so we kinda knew what we were getting into on the first date. Nowadays, a lot of us meet online where the face may be the 10-years-younger version and the impression is veiled by non-expressive data transmissions, unless you consider the emoticon wholly accurate.

There’s a lot about first date etiquette that still rings true: Don’t talk about religion, politics, your latest bowel movement, that you don’t believe in showering daily, or how you really need to get knocked up before you turn 35 next year. Keep the conversation light; your hobbies, who you think should be the next American Idol, and don’t make the conversation all about you, you, YOU. But I think my girl Lauren is also onto something very key for the 21st Century first date: Keep it short. If you’ve never met them before, meet them for a cup of coffee or a drink. And drive yourself there, like she said, so that you can escape easily if you need to.

You are so right Jaro! Run away from people that only see the glass half empty, only the dark clouds in the sky, and no light at the end of the tunnel. I say the same thing to all my friends: There are so many amazing, incredible people on this planet, don’t waste your time on those that bring you down.

The shit we’ll put up with when we’re in love with someone…

Here are 3 ways to recognize when someone is manipulating you:

1. They make you feel guilty about everything.

2. Everything is always YOUR fault.

3. They’re always right, you’re always wrong.

If this is going on in your relationship, find a better relationship! Seriously. There’s billions of people in this world. And about half are men.

You know what?  I’m calling your bluff this time around, ladies.  Although I commend you for playing the I’m-stronger-than-my-gender-stereotype card and voting in favor of dumping the wishy-washy womanizer, I’m a little skeptical.  Don’t get me wrong; I’m fully confident that you’re all competent women who can flip a U-turn on a dead-end fling (parallel parking, however, is a different story).  But I’m willing to bet you’ve found yourself in the following scenario at least once:

You’ve been playing the field for quite some time, and have found yourself at a crossroad.  Nick Niceman and Paul Player are two suitors who have captured your attention.  Both are equally mind-blowing in bed, fun to talk to, and only slightly concerned by the array of phallic produce under your bed.  Only one thing differentiates the dudes: Nick desires a relationship with you, and Paul just wants a regular bed buddy.  Well, that makes things simple, right?  Uh, wrong. 

While Nick makes plans to meet your parents, travel to Europe, and go in on a pillow-top mattress together, you find yourself thinking of…Paul.  You’re quite certain your parents wouldn’t like him.  You wonder if he’s ever left Santa Monica, much less been to Europe.  You know a pillow-top wouldn’t do much to help his back problem.  And at every step of this thought process, you kick yourself, because you know the only thing Paul is thinking about is if you like it in the butt.

It’s nothing to be ashamed of, ladies.  I’ll be the first to admit that I’ve been there.  Many times.  And surprise, surprise, so has Hannah.  Cain had the makings of a five-star boyfriend—caring, honorable, hot, and keen on commitment.   Mr. Smyth was two out of the four… on a good day.  And while her better judgment told her to jump on the Cain Train, she let it leave the station, so she could sit at Mr. Smyth’s empty track.

Fun fact: Everyone wants what they can’t have.  This isn’t a female trait, it’s a human trait.  The dash of femininity added to this recipe—and another mind-fuck we can thank Disney and romantic comedies for—is the notion that we can “tame the beast,” or make the un-committable suddenly committable.  As soon as we can liberate ourselves from this notion ladies, we can liberate ourselves from the cycle of falling for unsuitable men.  Imagine that!  A world where each girl can nab a guy who not only wants to sleep with her, but wants to wake up in the morning with her as well!

So, just how do we do this?  Beats me.  Call me when you figure it out.

Next we ponder: Should you ever settle?

So true Jenni Perez…Jenni Perez is a regular guest blogger for the Sex, Life, & Hannah Think Tank. Love ya babe!

Oh Randy…wash and trim yourselves people! And even though sometimes it’s cute to be an airhead, it’s not really sexy.

Randy Wang is host of Pretty Good Podcast on Hot Talk LA! One of my new fave podcast stations. Check ‘em out on iTunes.

Langdon you are so right! We all have insecurities, no matter how good-looking or successful. And sometimes those insecurities can get us into bad relationships. Surround yourself with positive people that love you and support you so that they can be there for you when you forget to be there for yourself. And  love yourself! Self love is the most empowering thing in the world.

Thank you Langdon for sharing that amazing story! Langdon hosts Langdon Nation on Hot Talk LA.