Hey! Interested in making your life a bona fide hell, where every step you take is sized up for ridicule by a disgruntled bitch and her entire posse? Then sleep with your friend’s ex! I’m serious about this one, ladies. While our forefathers fought for our right to whatever one-night stand we so choose, this is an instance where we might want to exercise a bit of guarded liberty.
Sure, it may seem like a good idea in the heat of the moment. You’re nursing him through a breakup of epic proportions, drowning his sorrows—and your moral compass—in a bottle of Grey Goose at a local dive bar. Woes soon turn to giggles, which turn to sexy whispers, which turn to you emerging from the ladies’ room and handing him your crumpled up panties. “Let’s blow this joint,” you say like a woman possessed.
And your night of released tension—pent up for three long years, as you watched him hold your BFF’s purse while she tried on jeans at Macy’s—is everything you imagined and more. It feels forbidden, yet ten times better because you know it’s technically not. The entire day after, you’re on top of the world…until you get a call. From your BFF. Distraught out of her effing mind…
I’ve never had sex in an airplane. One of my boyfriends once masturbated sitting next to me on a flight; apparently I was sleeping and missed it. Another time, when I was flying an airplane (yes, I used to fly airplanes) I gave the guy I was seeing a hand job. Don’t freak, I was being safe; the sky was clear, the plane was on autopilot, and he didn’t take long… But no sex.
I always wondered how people got way with it… Unless you were on some private chartered jet wasn’t it too obvious? But the biggest problem, I’d never had the fortune of sitting next to anyone I was attracted to. I’d had plenty of great conversations with interesting people, but none I ever felt compelled to shag until this one flight from Denver to LA.
It was late, and there wasn’t a lot of people standing in line to get on the B777. I noticed a tall, young, well-built blond and immediately thought: I won’t get to sit next to him. Because that seemed to be my other plight, if there was a hot guy I noticed getting on a plane, I never got to sit by him. This time turned out different…
There’s this show I happened upon a few days ago: You’re Cut Off! On VH1. Know what I’m talkin’ about? Yeah, we make fun of people like that, and actually are quite appalled that they really exist. And even though on this show they happen to all be female, we have all stumbled upon the male equivalent. Bottom line, if you come from money, if you’ve made oodles of money, if you’re about to come into a wad of money, the best thing you can do is act classy. And don’t ask for hand-outs. It’s not sexy.
