Chapter 15: Doctor Big Love
by hannah
December 17th, 2009
Sex, Life, & Hannah::Volume 1, Spring Season (Chapter 15)
15. Doctor Big Love.
Mr. Smyth and I started dating again, with a strict unspoken rule of not calling it dating. He made it clear he didn’t want a girlfriend. So I decided that I shouldn’t jump into another serious relationship so soon after The Ex, either. I decided to take Mr. Smyth’s therapist’s advice: Be single for a while. Even though when I was with Mr. Smyth, I felt happier than I’d ever been.
We found we liked renting the same offbeat foreign flicks. That he liked cooking, and I liked cleaning up afterwards. We agreed that making fun of the people onstage at a karaoke bar was way better than actually getting onstage. We believed you could appreciate the beach plenty without actually going into the water. And we both had a blast rocking out to some hairspray cover band at The Whiskey last week.
Our conversations were stimulating; our evenings were passionate. Everything was…perfect.
Jack is surprised but impressed that I’m taking such a casual approach to a relationship. He says I’m finally “all grown up” and getting more realistic about my expectations—except it doesn’t feel that way all the time.
I wake up in the middle of the night sometimes, thinking about Mr. Smyth; how in love with him I still am. I hate admitting that—it feels like a weakness in light of the circumstances. It’s in those moments, when I am completely honest with myself, that I find myself wishing for more, hoping for more, and trying to convince myself that eventually I will get more from Mr. Smyth.
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