Chapter 15: Doctor Big Love
by hannah
December 17th, 2009
Sex, Life, & Hannah::Volume 1, Spring Season (Chapter 15)
15. Doctor Big Love.
Mr. Smyth and I have started dating again—although we have a strict unspoken rule of not calling it dating. He’s made it clear that he doesn’t want a girlfriend. So I’ve decided that I shouldn’t jump into another serious relationship so soon after The Ex, either. I’ve decided to take Mr. Smyth’s therapist’s advice: Be single for a while. Even though when I’m with Mr. Smyth, I feet happier than I’ve ever been.
We like renting the same offbeat foreign flicks. He likes cooking, and I…don’t mind cleaning up afterwards. We agree that making fun of the people onstage at a karaoke bar is way better than actually getting onstage. We believe you can appreciate the beach plenty without actually going into the water. And we both had a blast rocking out to some hairspray cover band at The Whiskey last week.
Our conversations are stimulating; our evenings are passionate. Everything is…perfect.
Jack is surprised but impressed that I’m taking such a casual approach to a relationship. He says I’m finally “all grown up” and getting more realistic about my expectations—except it doesn’t feel that way all the time.
I wake up in the middle of the night sometimes, thinking about Mr. Smyth; how in love with him I still am. I hate admitting that—it feels like a weakness in light of the circumstances. It’s in those moments, when I am completely honest with myself, that I find myself wishing for more, hoping for more, and trying to convince myself that eventually I will get more from Mr. Smyth.
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