Posted by on May 27, 2010 in Relationships and Sex | 0 comments


You know what? I’m calling your bluff this time around, ladies. Although I commend you for playing the I’m-stronger-than-my-gender-stereotype card and voting in favor of dumping the wishy-washy womanizer, I’m a little skeptical. Don’t get me wrong; I’m fully confident that you’re all competent women who can flip a U-turn on a dead-end fling (parallel parking, however, is a different story). But I’m willing to bet you’ve found yourself in the following scenario at least once:

You’ve been playing the field for quite some time, and have found yourself at a crossroad. Nick Niceman and Paul Player are two suitors who have captured your attention. Both are equally mind-blowing in bed, fun to talk to, and only slightly concerned by the array of phallic produce under your bed. Only one thing differentiates the dudes: Nick desires a relationship with you, and Paul just wants a regular bed buddy. Well, that makes things simple, right? Uh, wrong.

While Nick makes plans to meet your parents, travel to Europe, and go in on a pillow-top mattress together, you find yourself thinking of…Paul. You’re quite certain your parents wouldn’t like him. You wonder if he’s ever left Santa Monica, much less been to Europe. You know a pillow-top wouldn’t do much to help his back problem. And at every step of this thought process, you kick yourself, because you know the only thing Paul is thinking about is if you like it in the butt.

It’s nothing to be ashamed of, ladies. I’ll be the first to admit that I’ve been there. Many times. And surprise, surprise, so has Hannah. Cain had the makings of a five-star boyfriend—caring, honorable, hot, and keen on commitment. Mr. Smyth was two out of the four… on a good day. And while her better judgment told her to jump on the Cain Train, she let it leave the station, so she could sit at Mr. Smyth’s empty track.

Fun fact: Everyone wants what they can’t have. This isn’t a female trait, it’s a human trait. The dash of femininity added to this recipe—and another mind-fuck we can thank Disney and romantic comedies for—is the notion that we can “tame the beast,” or make the un-committable suddenly committable. As soon as we can liberate ourselves from this notion ladies, we can liberate ourselves from the cycle of falling for unsuitable men. Imagine that! A world where each girl can nab a guy who not only wants to sleep with her, but wants to wake up in the morning with her as well!

So, just how do we do this? Beats me. Call me when you figure it out.

Next we ponder: Should you ever settle?

Jenni Perez authored the 2008-2009 edition of the popular sex issues column, “The Wednesday Hump,” in UC Santa Barbara’s Daily Nexus. When she’s not contributing her thoughts about the trials of modern romance, she devotes much of her effort to sustainable living and recording music.