Posted by on Feb 18, 2011 in Relationships and Sex | 0 comments

Last night at the SLH Book Club meeting I was reading an excerpt from Chapter 10:

I always believed in “The One”: your one true love, your soul mate, your other half who completed you. I believed we were like penguins, who mated for life and died suddenly when the other didn’t return from a hunting mission. I didn’t believe that being with The One was always perfect: birds chirping, flowers blooming, and rays of sunshine; but I believed it lasted forever.

Walking out of that elevator at nearly two in the morning, I felt this great belief of mine shattering. Maybe there wasn’t such a thing as The One…or maybe I hadn’t met him yet.

After I finished, this girl said, “That’s why I don’t believe in marrying for love, I believe in marrying your best friend.”

She went on to talk about how she and her boyfriend were first friends, how she wasn’t even interested romantically in him, but how over time, she came to value and respect the friendship so much they became lovers, and now, she feels that logically it makes sense to marry him, “we can do nothing together, and it’s great.”

Was there passion?

“You can create passion,” she replied.

Her logic was not necessarily wrong. Love could be emotionally taxing. My parents married for love, and they were largely dysfunctional. And passion…yes, it was all in your head, and whether you could turn it on and off…there were definitely certain variables you could control.

Everybody gets married for different reasons depending on where they are in life and what they want out of life in that moment. I could have married for money and I could have married my best friend, but I always wanted to marry for love because I believed that true love conquered all. Six years into my relationship and five years into my marriage with hubbie I can honestly say that it’s better to throw all logic out the window.

I know I’ve been spouting about this for like a week, and probably because it’s been weighing heavy on my mind, but there’s an x-factor in relationships and it’s called “change”. Nothing stays the same; people change, circumstances change, expectations change, and you’re always evaluating everything in your life based on how you feel. So you can marry for whatever reasons feel right and “logical” at the moment, and you may stay true to those reasons ‘til death do us part, but there are no guarantees.