Posted by on Jun 22, 2010 in Relationships and Sex | 0 comments

made-up-musician

As a general rule: No, you should never “settle” when it comes to finding a lover, partner, boyfriend, or husband. You want someone that can satisfy you, is compatible with you, and that you’re attracted. But I totally understand where 37% of you are coming from, because at the opposite end of the settling spectrum is idealism, which can be just as destructive as settling as far as I’m concerned.

Let me give you an example. But first, a little background. In the Sex, Life, & Hannah series, Hannah has an older sister, Holly, who’s a bit of an intimidating force to be reckoned with (at least in Hannah’s mind). She ran off with their dad’s boss when she was 18, and then he croaked, and then…well let’s just say that Holly’s idea of settling has only to do with estate settlements.

In real life, I have a younger sister, Maggie, who’s a bit of a tortured artist. She’s a pianist, music composer, and likes to dress (and look up to) Elvira. She also has very rigid ideas about the “type” of guy she will date.

Me: Why won’t you date James? You tell me he treats you like a lady when you go out, buys you small presents just because, likes his job, and is cute.
My sister: Well…he’s not artistic enough.
Me: What’s that supposed to mean?
My sister: Well…like…he doesn’t wear makeup.

And so, instead of dating James, who by the way works for the symphony orchestra, she’s found herself a makeup-wearing musician. Who doesn’t have a job, isn’t great in bed, and is a total downer when he’s moody, which is more often than not, because he’s “artistic”.

I know, I know, you can’t control who you like, but you can give people a chance. You are never going to find the perfect man. Even if you think he’s perfect in the beginning, the flaws will eventually come out—especially if you live with him for a few years. The Hot Hollywood writer with the great house may turn out to be an asshole, and the average-looking guy that sells used cars for a living may turn out to be super sweet and rock your world in the sack. Know what I mean? Don’t settle, but don’t get stuck on “type”. When you open yourself to the possibilities, you may get a nice surprise.

Next we ponder: Is it OK to have sex with your friend’s ex?