Yesterday, I posted a question to Facebook and Twitter: What do you need most from your significant other? All the responses I got were…very romantic: someone to laugh with, a sympathetic ear, an equal partner, respect. This did not make me feel any better about my reaction to hubbie Saturday night.
We were watching porn. Because porn seems to be the only thing that takes our minds off of the multiple projects we’re juggling, and that’s kind of where we are with our sex life right now. We need a distraction, like anime school girls losing their innocence to the bad boy that has just rolled into town, to get aroused around one another. By no means do I consider this an ideal situation, but I’m down for whatever works these days.
So I’m getting excited, quietly, because the fact that I’m getting sexually stimulated by a cartoon is kind of freaking me out, until I decide it’s time to make a move.
“Let’s put in Fashionistas,” I tell him, because I’m not prepared for the kind of damage humping to cartoons might do to my psyche (and Fashionistas is a good staple).
Hubbie obliges, and I tell him to lick my pussy, and he obliges again, and everything is feeling pretty damn good, so I tell him I want his dick inside of me, and he obliges again, and then, we have a Chapter 4 moment.
That’s when I react in a way that’s bitchy and completely selfish, “If we can’t even fuck properly the few times we get to fuck, then what’s the point? This is like the Universe playing some evil trick; here is your fabulous, amazing, beautiful man that you get to have really hot sex with for three years, but that’s it; after three years you’re cut off. I don’t want to be in a lesbian relationship with man. What’s next, regular doses of Cialis?”
Hubbie is much more calm, “I’m sure if we were having sex more often I wouldn’t be so sensitive.”
“Maybe you should masturbate more.”
And then I rolled over and eventually fell asleep.
Monday morning, driving to meet with a client I called Jack and told him about my Saturday night, “Am I a bad person because I would actually consider leaving my husband over lack of hot sex?”
“No,” Jack doesn’t even hesitate, “sex is a basic necessity, like, food and shelter, but you are over-reacting. It’s not like the guy is prematurely ejaculating ALL the time, or can’t get it up. Give him some time to sort it out; usually this kind of stuff is all in the head and not in the equipment.”
Jack was right, but my reaction was not over just one night, it was over months of dealing with the fact that mine and hubbie’s sex life had changed. And not that I thought it never would, I just never thought it would be the thing to cause this much strife. I thought money, or kids, or some new future goal would be the eventual deal breaker in our relationships, but not sex. So I’m in new territory; getting all the love, support, respect, and emotional care every woman has on their list, but not enough sex.