photo: Roxanne Jasmine
The new guy you’re seeing is hotter than hell. Every ounce of his being drips sex, and though that alone is enough to warrant another week of dating, he’s a gentleman to boot (sound like someone familiar in Hannah’s world?). He opens the car door, always brings the condoms, and has cleared out a spot for your toiletries on his bathroom counter… it’s only proper fuck-friend etiquette.
But, after a few weeks of Friday night booty calls, he communicates that he wants to see you… more. “Well, who wouldn’t?” you think. So you step it up to thrice a week. Only, he doesn’t want the usual drop-in-and-drop-your-panties deal.
He wants dinner, movies, Law and Order marathons in your PJ’s. He wants mid-day phone calls “just to hear your voice.” He wants your accompaniment to his brother’s wedding. He wants to make weekend plans to visit his parents in Santa Barbara. And before you can fill the tank for the drive home, he wants your response to: “I love you.”
Shit. Now all of a sudden, you’re forced to flash-forward far into your future. Returning the sentiment doesn’t simply confirm dinner for next week—it signs a permission slip for a whole lot of animosity toward you, if you don’t deliver every punch the phrase packs.
So, is this a deal-breaker? 83% of you that responded to the poll on Sex, Life, & Hannah say “yes”. I say, it warrants a little more investigation. Especially if you’re a feeling a connection…to that rock, hard, bod.
Having dated a few jumpers of the love gun, I can honestly say that in most cases, it denotes more than just a mind-blowing impression of you. There’s often a desperation at the bottom of it. If you’re lucky, it’s an ex-girlfriend thing; he just got out of a relationship, and maybe he was treated poorly. Or maybe it’s the ol’ never-gets-the-girl syndrome, or something darker like a history of neglect (a much harder case to crack). In any event, if you like the guy, it’s worth giving a little time for the truth to reveal itself by responding with a solid: “I really love what’s happening between us, but want to give it some more time.”
Sure, it may sting for him to put his heart on the line, only to receive a “maybe” in return. But rushed expressions of love can sting a lot more, and for much longer.
We’ve got the rest of our lives to be in love. It doesn’t hurt to be sure it’s for real.
Jenni Perez authored the 2008-2009 edition of the popular sex issues column, “The Wednesday Hump,” in UC Santa Barbara’s Daily Nexus. When she’s not contributing her thoughts about the trials of modern romance, she devotes much of her effort to sustainable living and recording music.