Posted by on Mar 19, 2010 in Relationships and Sex | 3 comments


Dear Dr. Sex, How does one give a really great hand job? I know I’m not the only woman (or man) wondering about this…

Ahhh…the hand job. Those of us who have received or given a great hand job know the power this change-of-pace sex act can have. Whether it happened at the happy ending massage parlor on Sunset Blvd or the turn-back-the-clock hook up night with your sex buddy, a memorable rub ‘n tug can leave a lasting impression.

A really great hand job you ask? Well…think slick, and think about four areas: the penis, balls, taint (a.k.a. perineum), and where the sun don’t shine. Remember, the head of a penis is usually more sensitive than the shaft and the underneath part of the head (frenulum) is often the most sensitive. And learn the following three positions and seven strokes.

[private_SLH Book Club]Position 1: Pretend you’re giving a thumbs up sign, but wrap your palm and fingers around his hard on and place your thumb on the head (the gland). This might work best sitting on his chest or by his side.

Position 2: The same thumbs up grab, but now your thumb is on the other side of the head (the frenulum) where you can feel a couple of folds leading to the urethra. Try sitting in between his legs for a good angle.

Position 3: Imagine holding a cup. Now turn that cup upside down and keep holding it. Your elbow and pinky finger are pointing up, and you’re gripping his cock in a reverse grab. Position yourself…comfortably.

Stroke 1: As you go up and down his shaft in Positions 1 or 2 with one hand, incorporate a twisting motion (corkscrew it!). Use the thumb to rub over his frenulum or head as you glide over them.

Stroke 2: In Position 1, but no thumbs up sign this time, try a two-handed grip with one hand above the other and twisting up and down. Pretend you’re gripping a baseball bat (not enough to warrant a 911 call, but get firm), and twist and corkscrew while going up and down. With the right pressure, this one rocks! A variation (maybe while kissing or standing up): adjust the grip so that your thumbs and index fingers are touching while gripping the penis. Then twist and corkscrew up and down with both hands going in a different rotating direction. Just like when you’re ringing out a wet pair of undies after skinny-dipping at Venice Beach.

Stroke 3: Also a two-handed stroke, but this time you use one hand at a time. Each hand starts in Position 1 or 2 at the base, twists up, and finishes past the head. The next hand is waiting at the base of his manhood to start the stroke after the other hand finishes. Keep repeating, kind of like an assembly line starting at the bottom and working its way up.

Stroke 4: Using Position 3 (the inverted grab), grip and move upwards, roll your palm over the head or frenulum, then move downwards, finishing with your hand in Position 1 or 2. It will look like you’re holding a cup and repeatedly placing it upside down, then right side up, and so on. For advanced tricks, try incorporating a twisting motion or pulsing (squeezing and relaxing). You can also use two hands for this stroke, rotating hands, one after the other.

Stroke 5: Using two hands, one hand (in Position 1 or 2) twists and corkscrews up and down the shaft while the other hand uses the palm to rub the head in a circular motion.

Stroke 6: Grab the penis with two hands (baseball bat style, like in Stroke 2). The hand closest to his body grips the shaft firmly and incorporates pulsing or twisting. The other hand jacks of the head of the penis firmly and slaps into your other fist. The top hand’s pinky is crashing into the bottom hand’s index and thumb. The firmness and slapping sound can be a huge turn on.

Stroke 7: The praying mantis. Put your hands together, as if you were praying. Slip the penis inside your praying hands and apply firm pressure while moving up anddown. A great variation is sliding your hands in opposite directions back and forth while applying pressure.

What about all those other areas I told you to think about? The testes can be massaged for extra sensation. Cup them, rub them in a circular motion with your palm, or gently pull them downwards. The taint is the patch of skin between the ball sack and anus; putting pressure on this area or massaging it can feel damn good during a handjob. And…the anus. It’s an acquired taste but is loaded with nerve endings. During a hand job you can rub the anus, put pressure on it, massage it in up and down or circular motions, and (with lots of lube) penetrate inside with your finger to play with his prostate.

Keep in mind, guys have nerve endings, erogenous zones and feel sensitive in unique places too—ask questions! I know a few guys who love their inner thighs played with or have sensitive stomachs that help them come faster and harder when played with, so use the information he gives you to your advantage during a hand job.

Guys also love visuals, so giving a handjob while putting your breasts, butt, and genitals in view can really enhance things. Dirty talk, heavy breathing, and lingerie can all add to the hotness factor of a hand job. Be creative, communicate, ask for feedback, and use a condom if you’re playing with an unfamiliar stick.

[/private_SLH Book Club]

Dr. Sex, better known as Dr. Hernando Chaves in Beverly Hills, is a Psychotherpist and Clinical Sexologist. If you want more information about how to give a great hand job or have any other sex questions, do what I do: contact him! He can be reached at or 310.749.5777.