Posted by on Jun 14, 2010 in Sex, Life, & Hannah Book Series | 1 comment

hannah

Dear Keira,

I would LOVE for you to play the role of Hannah in the Sex, Life, & Hannah TV series. I think you’d be perfect. First of all, you look the part to a tee: “I stuff extra padding into my tight lacy bodice to give a greater impression of cleavage; unfortunately, I need it. At least I’m skinny. I’d rather be skinny and flat than voluptuous and fat. Skinny chicks can always move to L.A., get boob jobs, and start dating young, hot, model/actor types—even when they’re forty and divorced with three kids”. Just please don’t ever get a boob job.

And how could it not be fun to play an amusing, neurotic , twenty-eight-year-old woman looking for love in LA? You would have a plethora of lines like this: “Ben’s probably not even interested in having sex with me. I’m sure he makes out with like ten girls a week. He’s probably got a telephone book of phone numbers he can call for sex. He probably only made out with me because he was high. Maybe it was even out of pity because he heard I had just broken up with my boyfriend.” But you would have to work on that American accent…

And there would be a number of great sex scenes, which we would definitely arrange with people you were attracted to (I’ve been told to pull off a great sex scene there has to be chemistry on and off camera): “I shift away from him, waiting for some sign of regret for what he’s just said. Hoping to hear that he did it in a regrettable fit of emotion, or that he really did it to send a foster kid to college, or that he’s kidding—that he still has the ring sitting on his desk, waiting for the right moment to get back together with me and propose again. Anything to make me feel like I haven’t just been dry-humping a selfish, self-absorbed prick”. Although I’m not sure how you feel about sex scenes. I’ve only ever seen you in the Pirates of the Caribbean movies, but I did read an interview with you in Esquire once, where you did say you were OK with going topless, and you did in Domino. I think I’ll put that movie in my Netflix cue.

Anyway, I’ve just started working on the pilot today. And by “started” I mean I’ve booted up Final Draft on my computer. So you’ve got some time to think things through. But I hope you say yes, because it would make me quite happy, and it would make it easier for me to sell the pilot. And it would be something different to add to your budding portfolio. By “different” I mean TV, which I hope you don’t poo-poo. It can be ground-breaking, look at Mad Men. Really, I think this would be a win-win for us both.

Warmest Regards, Dorota:)