Last night I had a dream involving David Duchovny. I was laying on a big white circular bed in a big white room and he walked in; stopped when the crotch of his pants was at the top of my head, and stood above me for a moment. Then he leaned down for one of those kisses…you know, one of those kisses where you’re both upside down from one another…maybe you’re getting ready to slide into a 69… And then his mouth left mine and lingered on my chest for a while, and then he started to make his way down, and all I wanted to do was pry open his pants, but instead I said, “you can’t, I’m about to get my period.”
And then I woke up thinking: What the fuck? When has that stopped me before? And I wasn’t even on my period, I was about to get it? If parallel universes truly exist, I think I fucked that one up.
This is what happens when you do one too many Californication marathons.