I heard Mystify by INXS on the radio a few days ago. The moment I came home I bought it on iTunes. Wednesday it was on repeat all day, today, it’s still in my head. I blasted the song out of my computer speakers as I sang one of my favorite songs and danced around my office. I googled Michael Hutchence, reading about his life, tumultuous love affairs, death, and the on-going custody battle over his only child, scrolling through images of the first man I was ever hot for.
But there’s more to it than that. INXS Kick was probably the 2nd or 3rd musical purchase of my life. I was 12. And I remember throwing it on the record player over and over; reading and memorizing all the lyrics so I could belt them out and rock out in my parent’s living room as if I was some rockstar. That album made me want to be a rockstar.
This was before I started growing up and getting…practical.
Small things can trigger big memories, and big emotions. Like the fact that Michael Hutchence died just before our American Thanksgiving, 13 years ago, at the age of 37. That’s only three years older than I am today, and look how much he accomplished. He knew he wanted to rock and didn’t give in to practicality. He rocked the motherfucking world. And I’m still…trying.
I’m bummed I never pursued being a rockstar; that somehow I never felt perfect enough or gave into an array of bullshit pressures. I’m bummed the thought of reaching for the stars didn’t seem feasible, or real, or…practical, until five years ago. But I am thankful, especially thankful during this time of year, the thought at least occurred.
I need perfection
Some twisted selection
That tangles me
To keep me alive
In all that exists
Well, none has your beauty
I see your face
and I will survive