Posted by on Mar 6, 2013 in Relationships and Sex | 0 comments


A few days ago I received a request from a lovely Twitter follow to answer a few questions for her dissertation. And you know me, one of my favorite things to do is ask and answer questions…even if it’s about unscrupulous things.

Q. How do you secure a date and make yourself desirable?

A. I think the only way to “secure” dates, if there is such a thing, is to keep yourself open to all possibilities. Often people create ideas in their head about the perfect partner, and turn down everyone that doesn’t meet exactly what’s in their head. I’m not saying you aren’t entitled to your desires or certain standards, or even that you should settle, but dating should be about saying “yes” more often than “no”.

Desirability is all about how you feel inside. Certainly we all make first impressions by how we appear on the outside, and while that may be good enough to attract a one-night stand, it’s not enough to attract the kind of person you may want to have a relationship with. Confidence comes from knowing who you are, and knowing you are being the best you possible. This is why you should always work on yourself first before even entering the dating scene. If you enter the dating scene when you have personal issues you need to work on, you will most likely only attract people who are in the same boat.

To tie the two together, if you feel good about the person that you are and continue to say “yes”, you will not be surprised by the amount of dates you will be able to secure.

Q. Have you ever tried anything particularly new when it comes to dating, for example, a singles lock and key party? If so, how have or haven’t you benefited from it?

A. I personally have not ventured much into dating gimmicks and still believe that talking to as many people as possible, one-on-one, whether it’s at a party, bar, park, or plane, is the best way to meet eligible partners. I’m not saying that you shouldn’t go to events specifically set up for singles, but at the end of the day, it is the ability to have that intimate one-on-one conversation that’s going to get you to exchange numbers with someone.

Q. How have you approached sex and romance as a single girl? And how have you benefited from your approach?

A. In general, my approach to everything in life (including sex and romance) is to remain open to all possibilities. By exploring and experiencing you learn a lot about yourself and it only makes you more confident and puts you on the right path to making deeper connections with people. Don’t be discouraged that every date doesn’t turn into some kind of a commitment. Enjoy the sex and the romance as much as the serious stuff; it’s all part of your journey.