Last week Dr. Sex discussed how communication, enthusiasm, and confidence can help get any oral session off to a good start, today, techniques…
A couple basics before we get into specific techniques: 1) Too much or too little saliva can be a turn off, 2) Tongues can be loose or flattened. Generally the pointy tongue flicking move works better for porn than in real life. But occasionally women dig the flick, 3) Facial scruff can feel abrasive (would you want a handjob with sandpaper?), 4) Fingernails should be trimmed, even manicured. 5) Know the hygiene expectations of everyone involved. Oral sex after a no-shower weekend camping trip or post Runyan Canyon hike may be hot or not.
Technique #1: One of my biggest pet peeves these days is the rush to get to the clitoris. Thirty years ago the clitoris and g-spot were like foreign strangers for many male cunnilingers (let’s pretend that’s a word). Today, it seems men are running the 100 meter dash to get to the clitoris. Why the rush? A full vulva oral sex experience is often much more fulfilling for a woman than a direct line to the clitoris. Unless the oral is happening in a Vegas elevator, there’s no hurry. Take your time exploring and licking her inner thighs, labias, clitoral hood, pubic region, perineum, and show off that passion and enthusiasm while you’re doing it. If it’s simply a rushed journey to the clitoris, you’re missing the point of making your partner feel desirable, pampered, and cared for. Taking your time before getting to the clitoris can create psychological arousal, increase desire, bring blood to the genitals (increasing sensitivity), and offer the gradual build up that many women enjoy.
Technique #2: When you do make it to the clitoris, you’ll find that most women prefer some consistency and repetitive patterns so they can focus, become mindful of their pleasure and sensation, and get into the moment. That’s not to suggest being monotonous or lacking in variety is the way to go, but the old oral sex suggestion of spelling the entire alphabet on her vulva is more of a myth than a reality. You might want to stick with “O” (circular tongue motions), “I” (up and down motions), and “T” (side to side tongue motions with the occasional up and down). Give each a fair amount of time to see which one she responds to most. Here is where a little quick, in the moment communication can be very helpful. Clit suction can also be pleasurable. Place your moistened lips around her clitoris and clitoral hood and gently suck. A little pressure can be pleasurable, as well as using your tongue to circle her clitoris or explore underneath her clitoral hood.
Technique #3: Even though oral sex technically means using your mouth, there’s no rule against using your hands. This isn’t soccer. Our hands can stimulate different areas of her body and offer some variety with sensation. Take your thumbs and apply circular motions to her labias while orally pleasuring her. Put pressure on her pubic region (mons pubis – loads of nerve endings) with the palm of your hand. Gently massage her inner thighs, butt, stomach, and breasts. If she enjoys anal stimulation, some internal or external anal play can also send shivers up her spine in a very good way. One or two fingers inside her vagina can add the pleasurable feelings of fullness, pressure, or G-spot stimulation (use that “come hither” motion). Sex researchers have found that certain areas of the opening to the vagina are more pleasurable when stimulated. If the vagina was a clock, the 4pm and 8pm are those spots. Insert two thumbs inside the vagina and add a slight pressure to those regions for additional pleasure. One of my favorite advanced fingering techniques is the corkscrew. Take your index and middle fingers and cross them. Insert slowly and gently inside the vagina and work up to a twisting corkscrew motion. Once you get the rhythm of licking and corkscrewing, it’s like riding a bike; you’ll never forget.
Technique #4: One of the last frontiers to be explored with cunnilingus is using sex toys during oral. A few open-minded cunnilingers have tried this with partners and I say, bravo to these trailblazers. Why not use some battery-operated firepower to enhance your sex life? The Sqweel is a wheel with multiple mini tongues that spins around like a ferris wheel. It’s great for clitoral, perineum, or anus mechanical lickings. Just remember to not bring the bacteria from the anus to the vagina with mouths, fingers, or toys. My personal favorite is the We-Vibe II. It is shaped like a “U” and one end is inserted inside the vagina to stimulate the G-spot while the other end is on the exterior pleasuring the clitoris. I’ve also found success with placing a Hitachi Magic Wand on her pubic region or clitoris. Do not be threatened by sex toys; they offer variety, not replacement, and enable you to explore your imagination and creativity during oral sex. If there is ever a Transformer sex toy line, I swear I’ll be their spokesperson for free. Optimus Prime, Megatron, Bumblebee, Starscream…great sex toy names.
Dr. Sex, better known as Dr. Hernando Chaves in Beverly Hills, is a Psychotherpist and Clinical Sexologist. He can be reached at firstname.lastname@example.org or 310.749.5777.