I met with a producer for this Reality TV show today that I’m now in the process of being considered for. The interview went well, I suppose. She wanted to know about the major story lines in my life right now. When I told her about my career quandaries, I could tell she wasn’t too interested. When I started talking about my internal quandaries, when it came to my personal life, her ears perked up.
I told her me and my husband were going through what some referred to as the “7-year-itch”, even though we hadn’t been together for seven years, and I’d never seen the movie; but I was familiar with the premise. You meet someone, fall madly in love, bliss takes over, until one day you wake up and realize things are…mundane. The passion has faded, the sex has become routine, and you’ve started spending more time away from home, trying to find some spark to fuel the fire you once had with, or without him. And maybe you even have one or two indiscretions, until you realize it really doesn’t change anything. The issues you had before your eye started wandering haven’t magically disappeared; the flings didn’t settle some kind of score or curiosity, life just went on.
A few weeks back I had lunch with a fellow relationship and sex blogger and we were discussing a different type of quandery; the one of putting your life out there for everybody’s reading pleasure. We were human, complex, with multiple layers, that some of us were willing to peel back and expose. But how much peeling back was too much? Our readers had expectations, but so did the people close to us.
In Neil’s book, Everyone Loves You When You’re Dead, Lady Gaga talks about the art of show business. That even though she’s very intimate with her fans, and has written two albums about her personal experiences, there are some things she keeps sacred for herself. “I’d much rather people write about what I wear and what I’m singing and what I do in my videos than writing about who I’m fucking.”
Alanis Morissette talks about a similar type of privacy in the book. “…There is a distinct difference between privacy and secrecy…I realized that secrecy is actually to the detriment of my own peace of mind and self, and that I can still sustain my belief in privacy and be authentic and transparent about it at the same time.”
So maybe those were the answers to the questions I had buzzing through my mind as I left the producer’s offices. As a blogger and potential Reality TV star I was going to have to continue to balance between secrecy and privacy. Let people in, but leave a layer or two for myself so that people were talking more about the Lady Gaga instead of the Stefani Germanotta.