Put the Metal Where Your Mouth is: The Merits of Genital Piercing

When I think of male genital piercings, my mind often goes to a dreadful place—a place of Cosmo horror stories and sky-high gynecologist bills. It drifts to that scene in The Sweetest Thing, in which it took an entire emergency response unit, a handful of neighbors and their grandmothers, and an impromptu rendition of I Don’t Wanna Miss a Thing (“Singing relaxes your throat!”) to detach Selma Blair’s mouth from her partner’s bedazzled member. Yep, genital piercing has gotten a lot of bad PR over the years…

I don’t blame the majority of you for voting against hole-punching your happy place for the sake of good sex. There is pain and risk involved, and when you can much more easily read a Kama Sutra guide or buy a quality bottle of warming lube, why subject yourself to that?

But what if you met a guy who just happened to be pierced? Would it be worth a trial-romp, just to see how it feels? I say: Definitely yes.

For every tale of cock metal catastrophe, there are hundreds of women basking in multi-orgasmic glory. Sex is best when it explores uncharted territory, and adding jewelry to playtime can cover longitudes and latitudes of the female anatomy that a naked penis just can’t. The extra millimeters of metal provide clitoral stimulation during pre-coital rubbing, then rub up against the vaginal walls, hit that G-spot,  and, well, you know the rest.

But really now, who are we kidding? There’s really only ONE advantage that sticks with us long-term: the bona fide bad-assness. Dudes will talk a big game, but few can actually stomach a stainless-steel stake being driven into their precious manhood. Knowing that he did it on his own free will—perhaps even for the sake of optimally pleasuring a woman—is sexy as hell.

Even if it only lasts five minutes. Oh Ben…

In my book, this is a prime “you’ll regret not trying this when you’re 50” opportunity. It’s hot, it’s edgy, and it’s got potential to shoot you both to the moon. And let’s face it: we women take much bigger risks for good sex. $200 lingerie, anyone?