Posted by on Mar 1, 2011 in LISTS | 0 comments


65. If you decide to go to an after party in the Hollywood Hills after boozing at Bar Marmont and dancing at the Purple Lounge, you most likely will not be able to get your car when you decide you’re ready to stop bs-ing with randoms about how your security guard Eduardo walks around your house with a pistol, and has killed people. Valet will be closed, the parking lot will be closed, and the parking guy, even though he waited for you ’til god-knows-when (but not 4AM), will eventually decide to go home, and take your keys with him. Your keys…which included your house keys.

66. So yeah, the keys you give to the valet guy or parking guy, or any guy you trust your car to, should not include your house keys.

67. A high-end hotel, like Chateau Marmont, can do anything for you. Get you into exclusive restaurants, on VIP lists, press your clothes; get you drinks, food, a toothbrush, bottle of lube, and condoms, at whatever hour of the day; and can even charge your phone when you’ve been out gallivanting all night, and your phone dies, and you really need it to call the parking guy so you can get your keys, or Eduardo.

68. Arnica gel is fucking amazing. Especially if you have an unwanted bruise you need to get rid of fast, from your night of gallivanting.

69. Going bra-less will always get you more play.

70. Sometimes there’s absolutely no rhyme or reason for why you have a hard on for someone. Like the Persian guy, who was probably 50-something, not very tall, and OK shape at best…yeah, who knows what the hell that was all about.

71. Nothing wrong with being a slut. Nothing wrong with being asexual. Sexuality comes in all shapes and sizes, and is an important aspect to be able to express. Sexual repression can lead to all sorts of emotional upheaval. Be honest about what you’re into, or that you’re not at all, and you’ll be spending a lot less on therapy.