91. Do not tattoo the face of your dog above your ass crack. I know you dog lovers really love your dogs but…come on. Any guy that wants to do you doggie style and has to look at the face of your dog the whole time he’s doing it, is just gonna think you are WAY too into your dog for him to ever stand a chance, and will probably never ask you out again.
92. A really great set of fake boobs look real. They’re symmetrical and proportionate to your body. Just like real boobs. So if you really want fake boobs, go to a doctor who knows what he’s doing. And knows to turn you away (with some lie about them bursting every 10 years) when you really shouldn’t be messing with your boobs.
93. A guy that’s really into you and worth your time is not going to just care about your boobs.
94. The Chippendale dancers, the Thunder from Down Under, they’re not all super hung, or “show-ers not grow-ers”, they’ve got really great fluffers that know how to get them off and tie them off before they go on stage and the blood rushes out of their package. With a rubber band that doesn’t pinch the shit out of their skin.
95. I don’t care how cool your rooftop bar is (High at Hotel Erwin), if the service is weak, we’re leaving.
96. Drinking makes you honest, horny, or both.
97. Lime green is in.