Posted by on May 24, 2012 in LISTS | 1 comment

 

 

117. Do not fly Spirit Airlines. They suck, and will fuck you out of your flight without even a hint of remorse in their eyes. Jet Blue is way better.

118. Do not pop four Extra Strength Tylenol…and some illicit drug, on an empty stomach. You may end up feeling really sick and hurling all over the floor of a restaurant because you didn’t make it to the bathroom.

119. Cabanas are a must.

120. Bottle service is a must, but only if someone else is paying.

121. If you put down $100 at a Blackjack table and lose it in 10 minutes, do not put down a second $100 because you will most definitely lose it in another 10 minutes and definitely not redeem yourself, or show that dealer, or prove something to the casino.

122. If you wonder why you can never seem to get past first base, you need to take a long, hard look at your kissing abilities. They probably suck, as much as Spirit Airlines. Take a lesson. Or two.

123. If you’ve only been dating someone for eight months and the sex has already gone downhill…it’s over. You should definitely not be thinking about marrying them. You should instead go hang out with that hunky hockey player that’s been hitting on you all night. Guilt free.

124. But do not sleep with the promoter.

125. And definitely do not leave your wallet and iPhone in your pockets when pool side. There is a strong likelihood you will have one too many SoCo and waters, and walk into the pool, with all those lifelines still in your pockets, and end up having to dry your money and your cards and your condoms in the sun. ¬†And off the grid, because iPhones are not waterproof. And writing a chapter in your memoir titled “The Payphone Years”.

126. You never know who you will be attracted to. So throw that list away.

127. However, no woman will ever be attracted to back hair and a beer belly. Wax that shit and get on a treadmill.

128. Familiarity is the kiss of death.

129. There are very good reasons for why what happens in Vegas…should always stay in Vegas. And everyone who’s been to Vegas and is over the age of 21 knows those reasons.