Posted by on May 31, 2010 in LISTS | 0 comments

diaries-burning

8. Back-up your computer files once a week. I know it’s a pain in the ass, but it’s a bigger pain in the ass if you don’t and your computer crashes; and then you’re forced to beg your computer whiz friend to take time away from his Memorial Day weekend to save your life, which is all on your computer.

9. Don’t burn your diaries just because you’re getting married. I mean, burn ‘em if you’re over them or are tired of storing them, or don’t have a place to store them anymore, or you think it’s going to free your soul; but, NOT because you think your husband will read them and think less of you after. First of all, your husband shouldn’t be snooping through your shit, and YOU shouldn’t be snooping through his shit either. Second, your husband needs to love you for you, and that means everything about you–even if you did the unimaginable with the unimaginable before you met him. We ALL have a past. Unless you married the first guy you ever had sex with, and then, holy shit, cheers to you.

10. Always pee after sex. Urinary tract infections are not fun.

11. Clothes you love should be washed in “cold and gentle”, or hand washed, or not washed at all. Explain this to everyone you live with, or tell them to stay the eff out of your laundry.

12. NEVER sit on a toilet seat you are unfamiliar with. Hover. It’s good for your thighs.

13. Accentuate your best features, camouflage your worst ones. If you don’t know what I’m talking about, hit up a friend who always seems to look good and take them shopping with you.

14. Towels, boxers, the shirt you’re not going to wear home, or the one lying in a heap on his floor, are all good things to wipe up “sex fluids” with. NOT Kleenex, paper towels, or toilet paper. And for god’s sake you better not even be dealing with this if this is a one-night stand or the third date and you haven’t yet had the conversation about sexual history or STD testing so YOU USED A CONDOM!