1. Don’t wash your hair everyday. Seriously. Buy that non-shampoo shampoo from Rite Aid that keeps your hair non-greasy for like a week. And gives you a ton of body. WTF?
2. If you’re pissy, go to bed. No one wants to hear about it. They have their own shit to be pissy about.
3. And don’t take your shit out on someone else. It’s YOUR shit. Figure out how to deal with it.
4. ALWAYS celebrate your birthday. Like with a spontaneous trip to Vegas. $50,000 win on the slot, I feel you baby…
5. You can pee in the shower. Go ahead. Try it.
6. If you don’t have clean underwear, go commando, go buy a new pair, or go wash the ones you got. And if you’re really in a bind, bikini bottoms are an OK option. Seriously. Wearing dirty underwear is not sexy.
7. You can’t plan everything. So stop crying about it. Unless it’s your birthday. And then you can cry if you want to. But if you’re gonna cry, plan ahead by wearing waterproof mascara. I’ve heard Maybelline has a good one. You can get Maybelline at Rite Aid too.