Dear Dr. Sex, a recent run-in with The Ex put me on an emotional roller coaster ride. It brought back all those memories…how good things had been, how good he still looked, and how in love with him I still was. We ended up getting close; so close we almost had sex. But, should you have sex with your ex?
Oh, the situations we humans put ourselves in as animals who love, who crave connection and intimacy, and who look at life through a filter of desire and lust. It is natural for your emotions towards an ex-lover to run deep; but, let me be clear my dear Hannah: sleeping with your ex may be hazardous to your heart.
Running into your ex may have brought back all those mushy feelings of love, but remember the obsessive daydreaming, anxiety, second-guessing, empty feelings, depression, and your stomach in knots when you first broke up? You probably didn’t when that elevator jammed and The Ex took his shirt off—because your heart began to battle with your mind (and genitals) for dominance.
When you’re in a relationship with someone emotions run deep; when you suffer a break up they can run even deeper. Sometimes we’re so fragile in a post-love state that the mere whiff of an ex’s pheromones will send us into a lustful thirst and make us do things that go in the “regret pile” the next morning. Most of us are emotionally hung up over someone for months and even years without realizing it. It’s the classic “fool in love” syndrome that fools us into thinking we’re over someone and having sex with them won’t make a difference. Except it will. If you have even a grain of longing or missing for your old flame then having sex with them will water those seeds of yearning and eventually bring back old feelings, memories, habits, and pain. It will unlikely be a happy ending and it will prolong getting over your ex for even longer. Not often can we have sex with no strings, especially sex with no stings with someone we once had strong feelings for. More often than not this type of back peddling is prompted by revenge or anger, and leads to jealousy or lofty expectations of getting back together again.
I suppose if you are one of the lucky few who have gotten over the hump; found a way to let the old feelings go and can honestly see nothing more than a new fuck buddy when you look in your old exes eyes—then make it count. But beware, because you don’t know where the other person stands. You may have moved on but they may still be hankering to get back that lovin’ feeling. And that can cause you just as much heartache. So do it outdoors, backdoor-style, or up against the door—just not with your ex.