That was the best advice I've read about ANYTHING, in a long fucking time!  Awesome and so, so, SO TRUE! I do know this about myself.  My desire for women usually comes when I'm feeling unfulfilled with men, but I'm pretty darned sure it's more about me.  Being with women makes me feel powerful in a different way than when I'm with men.  I know I'm made to get a man off, but to get a woman off requires more, a lot more.  I'm sure there's deep-seated stuff there that I may never recognize, but at least now I know it's more than just a sex thing.

A. What if I said it can be both? But you have to first define the terms and establish boundaries you can both handle. An open relationship occurs when two or more people (I can’t forget my polyamorous comrades) consensually choose to have additional erotic relationships with others in addition to their main relationship. Maybe you decide it’s alright to have an outside email romance, filled with erotic chat and sexy stories to spice things up. Some people give the OK for Skype Sex or webcam play as a way to offer visual variety to their partners. Others allow cuddle parties, anonymous sex, intimate or emotional relationships, plutonic partners, one-night stands, non-penetrative BDSM, and, well, the list goes on… What’s most important though, is that everybody involved is on the same page. Think you can handle an open relationship? Try this little exercise. Close your eyes. Imagine your partner getting physical or experiencing closeness with another person. Think about them conversing intimately, seductively undressing, massaging, performing oral, and then having intercourse. Get real specific and detailed when imagining this. ]]> http://www.sexlifeandhannah.com/are-you-an-erotic-wine-taster/feed/ 0 http://www.sexlifeandhannah.com/girl-orgasms/ http://www.sexlifeandhannah.com/girl-orgasms/#comments Fri, 06 Aug 2010 18:49:04 +0000 hannah http://www.sexlifeandhannah.com/?p=2233

Q. Dear Dr. Sex, what are best sex positions for a woman if she wants to experience the Big O?

A. Ah…the infamous “Big O”. Many have had one, and many are still searching for their el Dorado. As with most things sexual, orgasm involves a combination of things: How horny you are, how well you know your body, and how comfortable you are with sexual expression. And for women, there’s the external/internal factor. The external pleasure girls out there favor their clitoris being stimulated, and one of the best positions out there for that is female superior (a.k.a. cowgirl). You’re on top, the man is on the bottom lying down, and you’re in the driver’s seat. You control the depth of penetration, speed, angle of penetration (lean forward, lean back, or sit higher or lower), and clitoral stimulation. You can touch your clitoris with your fingers or lean forward and grind your clitoris into his pelvic bone. A lot of us know the clitoris packs a punch with nerve endings (about 8,000), but most don’t realize the mons pubis (pelvic/pubic hair region) has the second most number of nerve endings in the female vulva...]]> http://www.sexlifeandhannah.com/girl-orgasms/feed/ 0 http://www.sexlifeandhannah.com/mind-fucking-yourself-out-of-an-orgasm/ http://www.sexlifeandhannah.com/mind-fucking-yourself-out-of-an-orgasm/#comments Thu, 13 May 2010 16:37:29 +0000 hannah http://www.sexlifeandhannah.com/?p=1713

Q. Dear Dr. Sex, I can't seem to get stimulated and lubricated enough to have intercourse. Sometimes when I'm by myself I feel excited and wet and can masturbate, but when I'm with my boyfriend nothing seems to work and intercourse hurts. Help me before I decide to try taking "E" to attain that level of sexual excitement.

Why do the sex gods do this to us? Such teases… If we’re all lubed up and ready for the big dance by ourselves, why can’t this transfer over when we’re ready for a joyride on the pogo stick with a partner? There are a lot of pieces to this mysterious puzzle. The good news: you’re physiologically capable of arousal and the engine has the ability to function properly. The not so good news: it’s not always easy to control when the engine decides to work. Our mind is our largest and most powerful sex organ. It has the ability to both enhance and inhibit our arousal. Some woman can come from pure fantasy alone with no direct physical stimulation (they “think” off) while others block their arousal and sexual response mechanisms because they think themselves out of arousal. To begin unraveling this predicament, examine your life. Did social constructs like religion or family expectation shape your sexual attitudes or comfort? Was there ever a time (teenage years, college, etc) when orgasms or arousal were more difficult? Most of us feel safest when we’re alone and masturbating. There is no one there to judge us or critique us; no one to trigger our insecurities or add fuel to the thoughts we may be thinking about our bodies, our performance, and our concern for our partner’s pleasure. When we’re masturbating we’re not concerned about how our boobs look or whether our stomach looks trim or bloated. When we introduce a partner into the equation, all of a sudden there’s a magnifying glass on all our insecurities and baggage. A supportive lover, friend, or a therapist can help you overcome all those things that impact your arousal. With the right person’s help you will gain confidence and experience, you will become more secure with yourself and your body, and you will let go of those internal judgments that are inhibiting your sexual functioning... ]]> http://www.sexlifeandhannah.com/mind-fucking-yourself-out-of-an-orgasm/feed/ 1 http://www.sexlifeandhannah.com/what-i-learned-sometimes-love-is-not-enough/ http://www.sexlifeandhannah.com/what-i-learned-sometimes-love-is-not-enough/#comments Wed, 07 Apr 2010 14:59:54 +0000 hannah http://www.sexlifeandhannah.com/what-i-learned-sometimes-love-is-not-enough/ My mother always says: You can't live without love. But unfortunately sometimes love is not enough to make a relationship work. I sat down with my sexologist Dr. Hernando Chaves (aka Dr. Sex) and he told me his worst relationship experience and what he learned. And then we ate some bananas--because they're an awesome healthy snack people! If you want to share with me your bad relationship or bad date experience, email me! hannah@sexlifeandhannah.com]]> http://www.sexlifeandhannah.com/what-i-learned-sometimes-love-is-not-enough/feed/ 0 http://www.sexlifeandhannah.com/how-to-satisfy-the-man-banana/ http://www.sexlifeandhannah.com/how-to-satisfy-the-man-banana/#comments Fri, 19 Mar 2010 18:13:21 +0000 hannah http://www.sexlifeandhannah.com/?p=1405

Dear Dr. Sex, How does one give a really great hand job? I know I’m not the only woman (or man) wondering about this…

Ahhh…the hand job. Those of us who have received or given a great hand job know the power this change-of-pace sex act can have. Whether it happened at the happy ending massage parlor on Sunset Blvd or the turn-back-the-clock hook up night with your sex buddy, a memorable rub ‘n tug can leave a lasting impression. A really great hand job you ask? Well…think slick, and think about four areas: the penis, balls, taint (a.k.a. perineum), and where the sun don’t shine. Remember, the head of a penis is usually more sensitive than the shaft and the underneath part of the head (frenulum) is often the most sensitive. And learn the following three positions and seven strokes... ]]> http://www.sexlifeandhannah.com/how-to-satisfy-the-man-banana/feed/ 3 http://www.sexlifeandhannah.com/sleeping-with-your-ex-may-be-hazardous-to-your-heart/ http://www.sexlifeandhannah.com/sleeping-with-your-ex-may-be-hazardous-to-your-heart/#comments Tue, 26 Jan 2010 19:20:43 +0000 hannah http://www.sexlifeandhannah.com/sleeping-with-your-ex-may-be-hazardous-to-your-heart/ Dear Dr. Sex, a recent run-in with The Ex put me on an emotional roller coaster ride. It brought back all those memories…how good things had been, how good he still looked, and how in love with him I still was. We ended up getting close; so close we almost had sex. But, should you have sex with your ex?

Oh, the situations we humans put ourselves in as animals who love, who crave connection and intimacy, and who look at life through a filter of desire and lust. It is natural for your emotions towards an ex-lover to run deep; but, let me be clear my dear Hannah: sleeping with your ex may be hazardous to your heart. Running into your ex may have brought back all those mushy feelings of love, but remember the obsessive daydreaming, anxiety, second-guessing, empty feelings, depression, and your stomach in knots when you first broke up? You probably didn’t when that elevator jammed and The Ex took his shirt off—because your heart began to battle with your mind (and genitals) for dominance... ]]> http://www.sexlifeandhannah.com/sleeping-with-your-ex-may-be-hazardous-to-your-heart/feed/ 0 http://www.sexlifeandhannah.com/building-up-the-bad-boys/ http://www.sexlifeandhannah.com/building-up-the-bad-boys/#comments Mon, 28 Dec 2009 17:19:37 +0000 hannah http://www.sexlifeandhannah.com/?p=791 Some intellectuals will go the biological route and say we go into hormonal overload when we first get down and dirty with someone, and everything from our ovaries and testes to our pituitary gland is in 5th gear. Cupid strikes, Venus rules the bedroom, and our blinders are on for the first six to nine months of dating. Our potential suitor can do no wrong (not even when he doesn’t return your call for three days) and the fact that he leaves the toilet seat up…is endearing. My dearest Hannah, most of us have met that certain somebody that made us crazy yet calmed the emotional storm at the same time. A person that would be a better fit for a straight jacket yet we fit them into our lives whole-heartedly and unapologetically. Why? Because I believe this “blinders” phase (however hot-in-the-sack it may be) is more deeply rooted. Often times the relationship our parents have, or their multiple divorces, sends us on a quest—to fix, or mold into perfection anyone that makes us feel important, sends us a nice smile, or gives us a good fuck. We meet someone that fills a void in ourselves, which we either acknowledge or suppress, and because that special someone masks our insecurities or pain, they are “perfect”... ]]> http://www.sexlifeandhannah.com/building-up-the-bad-boys/feed/ 0 http://www.sexlifeandhannah.com/going-from-mono-to-multiple-with-your-orgasms/ http://www.sexlifeandhannah.com/going-from-mono-to-multiple-with-your-orgasms/#comments Tue, 17 Nov 2009 01:28:28 +0000 hannah http://www.sexlifeandhannah.com/going-from-mono-to-multiple-with-your-orgasms/ Dear Dr. Sex, what’s the deal with multiple orgasms? Are they really possible for women and men? If so, how? And are they worth it?

Dear Hannah, that’s quite the loaded question, and the short answer is: read and learn, and yes. Multiple orgasms (or serial orgasms), are a series of orgasms experienced in one sexual encounter. The folks in the Far East have known about this for centuries, and luckily, it’s made its way to LA. Now let me teach you a little about this ancient art of lovemaking that the Taoists and your sexually adventurous BFF Jack enjoy. For men, we’re at a slight disadvantage because we have this pesky arousal stage called resolution, which is a guy’s refractory period after ejaculation (women often refer to this as snoring). But, men can work around the refractory period by learning to separate orgasm from ejaculation. There is a difference, and if you become skilled at recognizing it, you too will be able to strap yourself in for a wild series of orgasms, ending with one great big ejaculation—yeehaw!... ]]> http://www.sexlifeandhannah.com/going-from-mono-to-multiple-with-your-orgasms/feed/ 0