Sex, Life, and Hannah » falling in love

The State of My Relationship

hannah — Wed, 19 Oct 2011 15:04:23 +0000

A few months ago, I posted on my SLH FB and Twitter: The state of your relationship is all about the state of your mind. Today, this statement holds more truth to me than it did back then. In fact, I feel this statement is at the very epicenter of every relationship; the deciding factor in what makes or breaks a relationship. When I first fell in love with hubbie, I couldn’t imagine my life without him. I was completely invested, ‘til death do us part, and we weren’t even married. Our love was strong, and life was bliss. I had found my man, and I didn't need anything else. Then the “stuff” started piling up; at first financial, and then sexual, and that’s when I stopped being invested in the same way. Suddenly I felt different about us, our future, and whether I even wanted one with hubbie anymore. I didn’t start “looking” per se, but I definitely started feeling open to meeting other people, and seeing what might happen…

Friends, attraction, and back-up plans.

hannah — Wed, 20 Jul 2011 15:33:42 +0000

Q. Hey Hannah, I have been wanting to ask you a couple relationship questions for a while now, I just keep chickening out because I am afraid of the answers. Basically the first question is this: If a woman you care about and love tells you she just wants to be your friend...is it because she really means that or...is it because you just don't meet all her qualifications as boyfriend material? Also, are you able to be friends with a man and still be attracted to them at the same time? To give you some background, our relationship started as friends, as she was married, but I began developing serious feelings for her. When she divorced, I revealed my feelings, which is when she let me know she just wanted to be friends. And now she's beginning a relationship with a new guy...and of course it is killing me! I feel you are the one who will give me a straight, truthful, knowledgeable answer on what I should do. A. Well my friend, the straight answer is: she’s not interested in pursuing a relationship with you. Now, I don’t necessarily think you don’t meet all her boyfriend “qualifications”. I think all of us have dated people on all ends of the spectrum; people that were seemingly everything we were looking for, and people that met none, or very little of our “qualifications”, yet the attraction was so strong we couldn’t help but jump their bones, and as a result, jumped on an emotional roller coaster ride that usually left us feeling more sick than satisfied...

For Love, Money, or Friendship

hannah — Fri, 18 Feb 2011 19:15:11 +0000

Last night at the SLH Book Club meeting I was reading an excerpt from Chapter 10: I always believed in “The One”: your one true love, your soul mate, your other half who completed you. I believed we were like penguins, who mated for life and died suddenly when the other didn’t return from a hunting mission. I didn’t believe that being with The One was always perfect: birds chirping, flowers blooming, and rays of sunshine; but I believed it lasted forever. Walking out of that elevator at nearly two in the morning, I felt this great belief of mine shattering. Maybe there wasn’t such a thing as The One…or maybe I hadn’t met him yet. After I finished, this girl said, “That’s why I don’t believe in marrying for love, I believe in marrying your best friend.” She went on to talk about how she and her boyfriend were first friends, how she wasn’t even interested romantically in him, but how over time, she came to value and respect the friendship so much they became lovers, and now, she feels that logically it makes sense to marry him, “we can do nothing together, and it’s great.”

Vday.

hannah — Mon, 14 Feb 2011 19:16:40 +0000

I have mixed feelings when it comes to Vday. It's good to celebrate love, where would we be without it? But I think if you really love someone, you express it every day, by doing the small things, like saying "I love you", or making them dinner because you know they're coming home late, or holding their hand when you go for a walk, or taking care of them when they're sick, or just talking and listening when they need you. Love is not a one-day gesture, it's a daily committment.

Do I, can I, should anyone believe in love?

hannah — Fri, 11 Feb 2011 19:14:57 +0000

I've been asked to fill out an application form to be on a reality TV show about love. Here is my answer to the question: Do I, can I, should anyone believe in love? Love? Oh it’s out there and very real. Scary real. Love takes control of your body and your mind and makes you think crazy thoughts, like: I hope he accidentally knocks me up. And when he doesn’t, it makes you do crazy things…like get married. There’s no logic, there’s just passion, and lust. And there’s a real biology behind the whole love thing; it’s not just a figment of our imagination. Nature wants us to fall in love; wants us to keep propagating the species, that’s why falling in love, and being in love, gives us a dopamine fix straight to where it counts the most. There are other chemicals involved too, but it’s the love dope that keeps us intrigued, wanting more, and seeking out that penis thrill ride over and over again.

Are you a prairie vole or a montane vole?

hannah — Sat, 06 Nov 2010 01:27:03 +0000

Love is an addictive drug. No seriously, it is, and 83% of you agree. Or maybe the more accurate thing to say is lust is a drug. As Lee Ann Obringer writes in her awesome article on how love works ,"the same chemical process that takes place with addiction takes place when we fall in love". Here's some cliff notes from the article:

Dopamine is the "pleasure chemical," producing a feeling of bliss. Norepinephrine is similar to adrenaline and produces the racing heart and excitement. When two people have sex, oxytocin is released, which helps bond the relationship. The more sex, the greater the bond. Vasopressin, is the chemical associated with the formation of long-term, monogamous relationships. The longer we're together with someone, the more oxytocin and vasopressin start interfering with the dopamine and norepinephrine pathways, and the passionate love fades as attachment grows.

Let me break down this addictive euphoria for you in real terms: You see someone. You think they're hot, i.e. I want to make out with you. You talk to them. You like them even more i.e. I want to get naked with you. If you're at a club, you end up dry-humping them on the dance floor. Maybe you pry yourself off, because you don't want anyone thinking you're a slut, or maybe the feeling is so intense you say fuck it, go home with them, and have a wild passionte night of sex. The next morning, you try to remember their name, so you can exchange numbers, because you really do want to go on a date with them. And when that date goes extremely well you start OBSESSING, idealizing, pining for the phone calls, the next date, the next night of hot sex, until you have The Conversation that establishes you're in a committed, monogomous relationship (or not). As the months, maybe even years go by, you fall more and more in love with them, until...your "date" nights start turning into renting movies, cuddling up on the couch, and falling asleep by 11PM, and you realize you're having more fun with your vibrator. You still love them, care more deeply for them than ever, and would take a bullet for them, but the high is over, and you find your eye wandering more and more...

I Always Believed in The One.

hannah — Thu, 03 Jun 2010 17:11:00 +0000

From Sex, Life, & Hannah::Volume 1, Spring Season (CHAPTER 10: LOVE IN AN ELEVATOR) I always believed in “The One”: your one true love, your soul mate, your other half who completed you. I believed we were like penguins, who mated for life and died suddenly when the other didn’t return from a hunting mission. I didn’t believe that being with The One was always perfect: birds chirping, flowers blooming, and rays of sunshine; but I believed it lasted forever. Walking out of that elevator at nearly two in the morning, I felt this great belief of mine shattering. Maybe there wasn’t such a thing as The One…or maybe I hadn’t met him yet. To Be Continued…

A Sugar Daddy Thing or a Sex Thing?

hannah — Tue, 11 May 2010 16:11:02 +0000

From Sex, Life, & Hannah::Volume 1, Winter Season (CHAPTER 9: ACCIDENTAL) I tell Jack I’ll look into it, and then I tell Jack about my evening with Mr. Smyth. “I think I’m in love.” “He made you come, didn’t he?” With Jack, everything always has to come down to sex. “This is not just a sex thing! We have great conversations. He’s charming and gracious. He understands me. And he’s got a great house.” “Okay fine, it’s more than just a sex thing. He’s potentially the sugar daddy you’ve always dreamed of. But please, Hannah, don’t get all wrapped up like you always do. He’s forty, he’s never been married, and he just broke off an engagement to someone he dated for a long time. He’s probably not the marrying type.” “You know what? I refuse to get caught up in your persistent pessimism whenever it comes to relationships. And I do not need a sugar daddy!”...

Love happens when you least expect it to.

hannah — Mon, 26 Apr 2010 18:00:18 +0000

From Sex, Life, & Hannah::Volume 1, Winter Season (CHAPTER 8: FALLING IN LOVE) Love happens when you least expect it to, oftentimes with someone you least expect it to happen with, and more often than not at an inopportune moment. You’re trying to get over your ex, tackling being single, realizing that shagging your young inexperienced neighbor is not enough, or you’re just about to leave on a philanthropic mission to Africa for the next six months. And you meet a guy, in a women’s bathroom, who’s a little odd, and a little too tall, and a little too skinny, and maybe a little too old for you. And even though you end up drunk and passed out in a bed with him half-naked, you think little of it, or him. Until you talk to him intimately over the phone, and find you can share personal experiences with him over drinks. And you drive up to his house, and he opens the door looking suddenly oh-so-sexy like never before in his black baseball hat, worn jeans, and white t-shirt, telling you to unwind while he cooks for you. And he takes your body in a knowing way you haven’t felt in a long time, and you lie back with this feeling you don’t want to admit to but can’t escape: the feeling of falling in love. To Be Continued…

Thinking about the first time I fell in love…

hannah — Tue, 20 Apr 2010 15:37:23 +0000

From Sex, Life, & Hannah::Volume 1, Winter Season (CHAPTER 8: FALLING IN LOVE) I fold my arms behind my head and tilt my chair back. I have fallen in love twice in my life. During my first semester at USC, I walked down into the lone, underground campus bar with the intention of doing homework. That’s until Warner, the bartender, introduced himself to me. I ended up with sweaty palms, watering eyes, a babbling tongue, and my heart threatening to pop out of my chest. It was love at first sight. Warner was the perfect man: tousled hair, bronze skin, athletic; and more eloquently versed, thoroughly traveled, and mature than all the über-horny boys in my freshman classes put together. We started dating and I fell madly in love. Warner took me on my first camping trip. I would have never dreamed that hiking up a mountain until the sweat seeped through my bra; sleeping on a foam mat in a thirty-six-square-foot tent for three nights; and peeing outdoors could turn me on to a man so much. Warner taught me how to surf, snowboard, skateboard, and give what he considered the perfect blowjob in the backseat of his Volvo. I couldn’t imagine my life without him. ...

I believe in Voodoo Lou.

hannah — Wed, 17 Mar 2010 18:02:42 +0000

I have no idea what got me thinking about love spells this morning. Maybe because it's St. Patrick's Day? Ha (but yes, there is a love spell for today's holiday). I don't know, but suddenly I had this memory of Christmas 2004 when my sister gave me a love voodoo kit no bigger than the palm of my hand (compact is good if yer gonna voodoo, right?). At first I was going to put it in my shoe box of stuff-I-don't-know-what-to-do-with-but-don't-want-to-throw-away. And then I decided to bring Voodoo Lou to Fun With Boobs. Fun With Boobs was the next generation of Tuesday Night in With Porn and Meat, and in case you haven't figured it out by now that's code for: girls night. But I digress...and should probably write more about these enlightening evenings another time... So I brought the love kit for my girls to check out and after little deliberation and a lot of libations we decided we were going to do the spell on the voodoo doll. I swear there are pictures and, or, video of all of this somewhere, but I can't seem to find any of the above this morning, except for Voodoo Lou himself, and the box, and spell book, as well as some handwritten notes of what to do (in case I didn't want to read the spell book?), some kind of cocktail recipe (of course!), and a lucky penny. Yup. Have I mentioned girls nights were always very enlightening? So we did the spell. All four of us carefully placing one pin into the one thing we each wanted in a man: yummy kisser, sense of humor, flowers, and chemistry. And then chanting out loud: Bring him to me! Bring him to me! And whatever else was scribbled down on my notes. And then...we went out on the town, and I shoved Voodoo Lou into my purse. When I came home, and as per instructions, I placed him under my pillow, because I thought, what could it hurt? When I woke up I had my favorite dessert--seriously, that's what it said to do in the notes! Of course that could have also just been my sister having a little fun with me... Three months later I met my future husband. Seriously. p.s. Voodoo Lou is available for purchase on Amazon.

Chapter 8: Falling In Love

hannah — Tue, 28 Aug 2007 19:37:21 +0000

Sex, Life, & Hannah::Volume 1, Winter Season (Chapter Eight) CHAPTER 8: FALLING IN LOVE. My boss rounds the corner into my office and proclaims he has the perfect man for me. I look up from my latest suburban layout sketch and smile pleasantly. Taking this as an invitation, my boss launches into a long soliloquy about the single, attractive young doctor he once again had the pleasure of conversing with at a picnic organized by his church. I furrow my forehead. He says he told the doctor about me: how I am recently single and looking for love. I raise an eyebrow.

I had sex with Metal Guy.

hannah — Wed, 18 May 2005 17:50:48 +0000

On our fourth date, we had sex. He drove into town, and I picked him up at his parent's house. We took a drive down the coast and stopped in for a drink and a snack at some restaurant where we shared a lounge chair and did a lot of kissing. The sex was so passioante. It wasn't fucking or just sex, it tore into my soul. But Metal Guy lives in L.A. and I'm in San Diego for now. And he's not financially stable. Although maybe all that doesn't really matter.

Bringing back the exes

hannah — Wed, 04 Aug 2004 03:32:32 +0000

What do you do when all you've met is freaks since you broke up with the last guy you were kind of dating...? You bring back the fucking exes. It all started with a phone call to Christian, which went straight to voicemail, and his return call, which also went nowhere because at first I was in the car, driving to Vegas, with Ireland, and then I was in Vegas, so I didn't pick up. He left me a voicemail saying he was about to jump on a plane; that he had to go out of town for a few weeks. Figures. So what do I do when I get back from Vegas? I call The Ex. Maybe because when I got back from Vegas I went on cleaning rampage and stumbled across some old photos...and cards...yeah...you know how that goes. ...