Sex, Life, and Hannah » finding the man of your dreams

Do Not Be This Girl

hannah — Thu, 19 Jan 2012 16:07:36 +0000

OMG. Where do I even begin? Thank god my relationship is way more honest, thank god we never had a wedding, thank god my husband inspires me to follow my heart...thank god I still have a life. Thank god I am not this girl, even though I have had moments of being this girl, and I completely blame society, family, and media for this, because we are never taught to just enjoy relationships for what they are, which could be a hot two-month affair, or a baby-daddy arrangement, or twenty years of friendship. We’re only taught how to evaluate whether they’re ripe for marriage or not, and if not, to move on, because god help us if we get stuck in a relationship without the potential of reaching that one goal we should all be aiming for, because it’s the only achievement that is ever going to make us really…happy. ...

Virginity…Round Two.

hannah — Fri, 13 Jan 2012 17:10:30 +0000

So, you bit the bullet. You called it quits on your relationship, before the holidays. Good on you. You are the 73 percent. And now that the box of liqueur chocolates has been scarfed, and your mother's "not ALL spinsters are unhappy" wisdom has been prescribed, and your married friends' Christmas cards have smoldered in your ﬁreplace, it's time to muster up some self-respect and think about dating again. Unfortunately, you know it's not as easy as slipping into a tight black number and shouting: Come and get me, boys! It's been awhile—perhaps a few years—and your game isn't quite as tight as the Versace in the back of your closet. ...

Love Note

hannah — Fri, 09 Dec 2011 17:15:02 +0000

Darling, I suddenly feel the urge to let you know how deeply you have affected me. I can honestly look in the mirror and know that I am a forever changed man, and that much of the change has happened as a result of you. There's nothing I do in this world that hasn't been affected by you. Sometimes I swoon a little inside when I see a certain look on your face, or hear a certain tone in your voice. I never fail to notice. It's like music, or the warmth of the sun. Much of my day seems empty without that. Love, Hubbie

#BOOBEXPERIMENT Results

hannah — Wed, 30 Nov 2011 17:48:47 +0000

By Shilo Urban for Bad Online Dates

Earlier this month Bad Online Dates launched the #BoobExperiment, which asked singles if “bigger boobs really matter.” With Victoria’s Secret spending $12 million on their Annual Fashion Show (that aired November 29), boob culture is once again front and center, and no one can deny the power of cleavage and a little (or a lot) of jiggle. Supermodels aside, how do real men and women feel about breast obsession? That was the question posed across the web and social media sites by Bad Online Dates, and the answers may surprise you. Women from all over the country engaged in the #BoobExperiment to research the effects of the push-up bra and cleavage on a night out on the town, then joined in the discussion with first-hand results. ...

A Time and a Place for All Boobs

hannah — Tue, 22 Nov 2011 18:48:08 +0000

Last week @badonlinedates launched the #boobexperiment, which asks the question: Does boob size matter? More specifically, how would a night out on the town in a push-up bra be different? The above pictures are me in a shirt I have worn with and without one of these miracle bras. My thoughts? Read below. ...

November Must Have: Patience and a Moustache

hannah — Wed, 16 Nov 2011 16:28:08 +0000

photo: howtodoeverything

Patience has never been my strongest virtue. When I want something, I want it NOW, and if I don't get it NOW I obsess about how to get it in the shortest amount of time possible. Interestingly enough, this lack of patience has rarely been tested. When I decided I needed to drive, the day I turned 16 I got my license. When I decided I was done with highschool, I mapped out all the classes I needed and graduated six months early. When I decided I wanted a bachelor's degree, I figured out a way to do it in two years instead of four. When I was ready for a high-paying corporate career job, I landed the first internship I applied for, which led to exactly that. When I decided I was ready to get married...I woke up one morning, looked at my fiancee-of-a-month, and told him we were heading down to see the Justice of the Peace. ...

Am I crazy because I need more?

hannah — Fri, 22 Jul 2011 17:58:53 +0000

Q. I need some serious advice about this guy I have been dating for approximately two months. The first month was a little weird, because we met through a mutual friend, became instantly interested in each other, but I was dating someone else. We eventually went on two dates, and it became obvious to me that I should drop the other guy I was seeing. Then, as fate would have it, he went on vacation for 2 weeks and then I went on vacation for a week. So there were 3 forced weeks of not getting to see him, but I actually got to know him through phone calls, emails, and text messages while we were apart. When we finally reunited, things got REALLY hot and heavy, but over the last 4 weeks, I have noticed a pattern that is making me anxious. We will have the most amazing weekends; spend 3 days straight together. But come Monday, I won't really hear from him...until Thursday. And we'll make plans for our amazing Friday through Sunday bliss... but come Monday…it’s back to the same, and I get extremely anxious when there is little to no communication between us. I want to tell him that I need to communicate with him DAILY even if it's just talking on the phone for 5 minutes, but I don't want to come off as being crazy or needy. Is this normal dating practice? Is he playing games? Am I expecting too much, too fast? I really don't want to freak him out as it has technically only been 2 months (minus 3 weeks of vacation) of us seeing each other. Also, with this inquiry comes my next thing, which also makes me just as anxious: THE TALK. I want to ask him what he wants out of our relationship, and where it’s headed. I'm turning 28 in a few months and I don’t want to be wasting my time. So, I want to ask him all of those things, but I don't want to freak him out and ruin anything. Is it too soon? Should I wait? Do you think he'll freak out if I ask these things now? A. The first thing I want to say is this: Feel some level of security in the fact that you’re not “Monday through Thursday Girl”. The fact that he wants to spend his entire weekend with you, and isn’t brushing you off so that he can party with his buddies and see what else is out there, means he’s interested in you, in more than just a casual way...

Friends, attraction, and back-up plans.

hannah — Wed, 20 Jul 2011 15:33:42 +0000

Q. Hey Hannah, I have been wanting to ask you a couple relationship questions for a while now, I just keep chickening out because I am afraid of the answers. Basically the first question is this: If a woman you care about and love tells you she just wants to be your friend...is it because she really means that or...is it because you just don't meet all her qualifications as boyfriend material? Also, are you able to be friends with a man and still be attracted to them at the same time? To give you some background, our relationship started as friends, as she was married, but I began developing serious feelings for her. When she divorced, I revealed my feelings, which is when she let me know she just wanted to be friends. And now she's beginning a relationship with a new guy...and of course it is killing me! I feel you are the one who will give me a straight, truthful, knowledgeable answer on what I should do. A. Well my friend, the straight answer is: she’s not interested in pursuing a relationship with you. Now, I don’t necessarily think you don’t meet all her boyfriend “qualifications”. I think all of us have dated people on all ends of the spectrum; people that were seemingly everything we were looking for, and people that met none, or very little of our “qualifications”, yet the attraction was so strong we couldn’t help but jump their bones, and as a result, jumped on an emotional roller coaster ride that usually left us feeling more sick than satisfied...

Will Hannah ever get married?

hannah — Thu, 05 May 2011 16:58:27 +0000

This morning, in my inbox: I love your books, I can’t wait for the third one, just one question, will Hannah ever get married? It was as if a plea for hope. And one I was very familiar with. I’d heard my friends lament over this question plenty, and as I stretched into my late twenties I found myself asking it too. It was actually one of the reasons why I decided to write Sex, Life, & Hannah in the first place. When I wrote the first draft of what was to be Sex, Life & Hannah, back in 2004, the overlying moral of the story was self love. The original Hannah, like the new Hannah, and me, was going through a slew of men; sometimes purely for pleasure, but always seemingly on a quest, to find “The One”. You know, that one person that would ultimately complete her, fulfill her, and turn her life into everything she wanted it to be. Except a light bulb goes off towards the end of that manuscript: ...

Formulating a theory…

hannah — Wed, 27 Apr 2011 22:10:57 +0000

Last night, me and hubbie had dinner with a friend who's been married for something like twenty years, has four kids, and still raves about humping her husband. She, like my other friend, who's going on something like fifteen years of sexual bliss with her husband, saved herself for marriage, i.e. her future husband popped her cherry. Now I know I've only documented two cases so far, but I wonder if I went on some quest, and asked more married women whether they lost their virginity to their future husbands, if I would notice a trend. Could it be that happiness in sexual monogamy is directly linked to how many lovers you've had? And, if you spent your formative years romping around with every opportunity that came knocking, could one man ever then satisfy all your sexual cravings? Saving myself for marriage was something I never considered a good option. I actually thought the idea rather ludicrous.

RULES! Part 11.

hannah — Tue, 01 Mar 2011 15:00:00 +0000

65. If you decide to go to an after party in the Hollywood Hills after boozing at Bar Marmont and dancing at the Purple Lounge, you most likely will not be able to get your car when you decide you're ready to stop bs-ing with randoms about how your security guard Eduardo walks around your house with a pistol, and has killed people. Valet will be closed, the parking lot will be closed, and the parking guy, even though he waited for you 'til god-knows-when (but not 4AM), will eventually decide to go home, and take your keys with him. Your keys...which included your house keys. 66. So yeah, the keys you give to the valet guy or parking guy, or any guy you trust your car to, should not include your house keys.

The Google is Mightier than the Axe Murderer

hannah — Thu, 23 Dec 2010 16:21:35 +0000

It’s the 21st Century, ladies. Gone are the days of safe dating – when Sally knew she could trust Johnny, because he grew up just down the street. She knew the cheerleader who stole his first kiss, she knew his mom used to call him Little Winkie, she remembered when he broke his leg scoring the winning touchdown. And Johnny better behave, lest word of unsolicited fondling got back to his father, Butcher Pete. These days, women are more likely to have broken away from the small-town bubble, and thus, open themselves to a much larger, more mysterious dating network. And since Dateline has programmed the modern woman to believe every stranger is out to axe her and bury her under his patio deck, she’s forced to take precautions. Luckily, Sally now has a tool that turns this seven-continent, 6,800-language world into her very own small town. It’s called Google. Little Johnny can run, but he can’t hide.

What Do Women Want?

hannah — Wed, 22 Dec 2010 22:35:22 +0000

Amidst the holiday parties of this very rainy weekend a guy asked me: What do women want? My quick answer: Everything. At the time, I thought my answer was lacking, but thinking about it some more, I think it is the perfect answer. Back in November I wrote a couple articles about the duel agenda of female biology; how we want the hot guy, but we also want the provider, and how we're also slaves to the chemicals running around in our brain that make us fall in lust, in love, and then out of lust. And I think it's these complex processes that make it difficult for us (me) to define a perfect set of traits in a man. Let me breathe some life into this from an experience.

An email that made my heart flutter.

hannah — Sun, 19 Dec 2010 22:24:20 +0000

Dear Hannah, You are probably in NYC by now...I am just about to leave for my first week of the new production in Hollywood. I'm using the free high-speed at Panera Bread. Ever been to Panera? It's like the bastard child of IKEA/Starbucks. Just sitting here, it feels as if the walls are screaming "buy inexpensive Norwegian products...now!" They even convinced me to eat one of their damn salads. So, still kinda thinking about you. Still trying to figure out what was so damn fulfilling about spending a night trying to get you to have sex with me and not succeeding (I'm thinking it was the hot make out sessions). ..

Shopping and adventuring.

hannah — Thu, 16 Dec 2010 19:02:14 +0000

I'm not sure what's been going on with me lately. I feel like I've lost complete focus. True, this project I started with a client in October that was supposed to be long term is now up in the air. But instead of, oh, I don't know, working on the third Sex, Life, & Hannah book, or the Lila book, or my mom's craft book, or any of the number of other tasks that have not been completed yet, like taxes, I'm...shopping. And cleaning and blogging...but mostly shopping. This is not typical for me. I mean, I shop, but not as a daily activity. It's like I've become this housewife, but I don't even have a kid to justify my actions. I need some kind of balance in my life. I'm starting to feel, again, that a structured corporate environment might do me some good. Although I suspect I'd take issue with the hours, as I always do. It's not the office I mind going to, I'll go into an office for a client every now and then, it's the hour I'm supposed to show up and leave the office at that I've always taken issue with. So I should be looking for work, or new clients, especially with all this time on my hands, but instead...I'm thinking about that Victoria's Secret coupon burning a hole in my wallet, or that scarf I really like at Taylrz Joynt, or that sweater dress at Indexx... Things with hubbie have been going well. Except for my freak out this weekend over him volunteering to work a production. I thought he was just making the prop, but it turned into a nearly entire weekend thing. We didn't get to put up our christmas tree, and I turned into a raging bitch housewife.