Posts Tagged ‘life’
by hannah
September 6th, 2010
Last week Berkely told me I needed to show my body more, “cause then they’ll know you actually fucked like that.”
She was referring to my books, but still, I resented the way she used “fucked” in past tense, as if my sex life was over…maybe I should have taken PeeWee’s advice and gone down to San Diego this weekend after all. It’s not like I got any other exciting offers. None. Zero. Not one phone call, text, or email inviting me to any labour day festivities. I tweeted: I think people are scared of me. Thinking that, made me feel better. I didn’t want to think about the alternative.
And then, Friday morning, a call from Coco “We’re going to an all night Burning Man party Saturday. DJs, freaks, and simulating the burning of the man. Wanna come?”
I love Coco, her and I have the best bitch sessions about our hubbies, and how we want to have sex with Jon Hamm, but honestly, I don’t get Burning Man. It sounds like Woodstock meets Halloween. But longer, and in the desert. And the music is more electronica than Bob Dylan. Oh yeah, and you have to pay hundreds of dollars to get in.
I decide I’m going to Malibu instead. Alone.
by hannah
September 3rd, 2010
PeeWee, one of my friends on FB, thinks I should go to San Diego this weekend and seduce hubbie. He also thinks we should have a real wedding one day. And that having kids doesn’t save a marriage.
PeeWee is full of good advice today. But I tell PeeWee I’m not in the mood for any of the above right now.
God I used to be such a bitch when hubbie would leave for a production gig. Like a night without him would just burst my little world. I’d make him pay for it, by whining or being cold-hearted or indifferent when I would see him or talk to him on the phone. I’m sure he was thinking “why the eff did I marry this attention whore?” It wasn’t about that though. I just want what I want, when I want it, and I can be really impatient.
Now, I want some alone time. I don’t think that makes him happy either. I know he was kinda upset that I didn’t want to drive down with him last weekend, “but I’ll be gone for three weeks.”
I stared at the ceiling as he packed and told him I needed to get more work done on the next book, and get my corporate sponsorship proposal finished, and continue looking for work. Get my life in order. Start kicking some ass and get somewhere with my life, like I used to be able to do, before this…identity crisis.
by hannah
August 27th, 2010
One day, an elephant is walking through the jungle and falls into a pit of quicksand, quickly becoming trapped.
“Help, help,” he cries. A lion walking nearby hears his cries, and arrives on the scene.
“Hang on,” says the lion, and disappears. Almost as quickly, he returns, driving a Porsche Cayenne-Turbo. He backs up to the pit…
“Grab the bumper,” yells the lion. The elephant does, and the lion guns it, in a flurry of gravel, grass, and spinning wheels, he slowly drags the elephant out of the quicksand.
A month later, the elephant is walking in the same area, and hears cries for help… and comes to the quicksand to find the lion trapped! Without hesitation, he swings his enormous dick into the pit, and tells the lion to grab on. The lion does, and the elephant whips the lion out of the pit.
The moral of the story: If you’ve got a big dick, you don’t need a Porsche.
