Sex, Life, and Hannah » monogomy

Confession

hannah — Thu, 02 Feb 2012 17:10:59 +0000

Almost exactly a year later to the date I’m looking at this confession I recorded for a TV show that never came to be, wondering what has really changed. In a lot of ways, me and hubbie are still in the exact same position, not sure where our relationship is heading, uncertain about our careers; me still trying to figure out whether I’m cut out for monogamy, he, still appalled at the notion of alternative lifestyles. ...

To forgive, or not to forgive.

hannah — Tue, 31 Jan 2012 20:26:42 +0000

In dealing with the life experiences of friends, lovers, ex-lovers, and my sometimes charmingly bitter self, I've found that nothing puts grey hairs on the head (and a grudge in the heart) quite like infidelity. Even the suspicion of infidelity can take your relationship from we-just-made-love-on-the-virgin-white-Nassau-sand to you-can-keep-your-stinking-engagement-ring. There are a myriad of reasons why cheating happens, and it's rarely "because I hate you so much and just want you to have a hopelessly miserable life" (unless you're vindictively trying to get back at your ex...for cheating on you). Most of the time, the psychology behind cheating is much more complex than that. Often, the reason has little or nothing to do with the person afflicted. Yet this particular wrongdoing feels about as personal as personal gets. ...

The State of My Relationship

hannah — Wed, 19 Oct 2011 15:04:23 +0000

A few months ago, I posted on my SLH FB and Twitter: The state of your relationship is all about the state of your mind. Today, this statement holds more truth to me than it did back then. In fact, I feel this statement is at the very epicenter of every relationship; the deciding factor in what makes or breaks a relationship. When I first fell in love with hubbie, I couldn’t imagine my life without him. I was completely invested, ‘til death do us part, and we weren’t even married. Our love was strong, and life was bliss. I had found my man, and I didn't need anything else. Then the “stuff” started piling up; at first financial, and then sexual, and that’s when I stopped being invested in the same way. Suddenly I felt different about us, our future, and whether I even wanted one with hubbie anymore. I didn’t start “looking” per se, but I definitely started feeling open to meeting other people, and seeing what might happen…

Sex, Europe, and Keeping Tabs

hannah — Tue, 04 Oct 2011 16:38:01 +0000

People have been asking whether going to Europe with hubbie brought back a romantic spark. My answer: Not really. But, I didn’t come back from Europe feeling like we should get a divorce either. Maybe because on our last night in Massa Lubrensa when I woke up at one in the morning, ran to the bathroom, slid back into bed, and started nudging him, freaking out, “I just got my period, holy shit, it’s our last night in Italy, oh my god, we’re not going to have sex on our European vacation. Do something! Save our marriage!” He did. He grabbed a towel, got on top of me, and we started fumbling, angrily, passionately, and had sex; and it wasn’t mind-blowing, but it felt connected on some other level, like we understood what we both needed, like there was still something left between us, and so, in fact, hubbie did save our marriage that night.

Europe or Bust

hannah — Fri, 19 Aug 2011 20:29:27 +0000

Me and hubbie are 10 days from departing on our amazing European vacation, and, I'm a bit nervous. Usually when I go on vacation I'm single, looking for romance, or with a new lover, high on romance. I've never been on vacation with a lover that I'm trying to re-ignite romance with. I have no doubt it will all be fabulous. I will be done with all my client work. I will be done with the final draft of the next Sex, Life, & Hannah book. Hell, we'll even have our taxes filed by then. So there will literally be NOTHING to do for three weeks except soak up everything London, Paris, Rome, and whatever small Italian town we decide on, have to offer. I honestly can not remember the last time I had NOTHING to do for three weeks. ...

Overcoming the 7 year itch.

hannah — Thu, 28 Jul 2011 03:01:02 +0000

Q. Dear Dr. Sex, when you're feeling the 7-year itch in your long-term relationship, how can you bring the sizzle back into your sex life? A. Feeling a little sluggish in the romance department Hannah? Well, you’re not alone. Almost every couple experiences a glitch in the sex department at one point or another, and there are a ton of reason why: work, infrequent sex, health ailments, family issues, sexual disorders, hormonal/physiological changes, financial struggles, difficulty reaching orgasm, mental health issues, the fall of Communism, you name it. Now that we’ve come to terms with the inevitable, what can we do about it? One of the first steps in jumpstarting your sex life is stepping outside the box. Many folks are in a routine they feel stuck in, so pushing those boundaries is essential to changing the sexual script. Here are 5 sizzle suggestions to shake up your sex life and get the blood flowing back to your genitals: ...

Getting turned on by cartoons.

hannah — Tue, 12 Jul 2011 16:51:57 +0000

Yesterday, I posted a question to Facebook and Twitter: What do you need most from your significant other? All the responses I got were…very romantic: someone to laugh with, a sympathetic ear, an equal partner, respect. This did not make me feel any better about my reaction to hubbie Saturday night. We were watching porn. Because porn seems to be the only thing that takes our minds off of the multiple projects we’re juggling, and that’s kind of where we are with our sex life right now. We need a distraction, like anime school girls losing their innocence to the bad boy that has just rolled into town, to get aroused around one another. By no means do I consider this an ideal situation, but I’m down for whatever works these days. So I’m getting excited, quietly, because the fact that I’m getting sexually stimulated by a cartoon is kind of freaking me out, until I decide it’s time to make a move.

Why do we always have to be upstanding?

hannah — Wed, 18 May 2011 18:40:45 +0000

On the subject of Arnie, and I'm not saying it was "right" what he did, but what if one woman was just not enough for all that testosterone? I mean, come on, the guy is pumped from weights and god only knows what kind of supplements, and what if right at that time in his life, his wife wasn't giving it up? What if she was being stone cold in the sack? Or maybe she wasn't, but he was going through some kind of mid-life crisis? We can't always fight off our urges, because sometimes we just don't want to. Sometimes we've just reached a breaking point, or we just want to feel some feeling we haven't felt in too long, or we just don't want to be responsible for twenty minutes. It's just like the whole Hugh Grant with a prostitue thing. Yes, he was in a relationship with a rockin' hot super model, but maybe deep down inside, his biggest fantasy was to just once be with a nasty, dirty prostitute. What's wrong with that? Why do we always have to be upstanding in the face of society when human nature isn't always?

Mom’s thoughts on Love and Sex.

hannah — Tue, 10 May 2011 15:56:45 +0000

After everything I’ve observed my parents go through, I have to say I’m both impressed and a bit envious of the fact that they’ve continued to have this stellar sex life. “We’ve always been in love and excited about one another,” my mother said on Sunday, and not the first time. “Why do you think that is?” I asked, opening up another round of Session dark lager.

Formulating a theory…

hannah — Wed, 27 Apr 2011 22:10:57 +0000

Last night, me and hubbie had dinner with a friend who's been married for something like twenty years, has four kids, and still raves about humping her husband. She, like my other friend, who's going on something like fifteen years of sexual bliss with her husband, saved herself for marriage, i.e. her future husband popped her cherry. Now I know I've only documented two cases so far, but I wonder if I went on some quest, and asked more married women whether they lost their virginity to their future husbands, if I would notice a trend. Could it be that happiness in sexual monogamy is directly linked to how many lovers you've had? And, if you spent your formative years romping around with every opportunity that came knocking, could one man ever then satisfy all your sexual cravings? Saving myself for marriage was something I never considered a good option. I actually thought the idea rather ludicrous.

Go for the Bloody Marys and Sex.

hannah — Wed, 20 Apr 2011 17:56:18 +0000

This past weekend, in Vegas, for a friend’s wedding, I demanded sex on my period, twice. Because bad timing is when you haven’t had sex with hubbie for like two weeks, and right as you’re about to go on a little vacay, you get your period. Sex on my period never used to bother me. But somewhere into year three of being together with hubbie I got particular, or lazy. “We can do it, when it’s less messy,” I started saying because the fear of never getting another shot, was gone. Commitment is a great thing, but it can also be a passion killer. When you’re dating, not living together, don’t always know where someone is, there’s this fear, at times big, at times small, but always present, that you may never get to see them again. This fear typically drives you to drink, but it also drives your libido to do things you thought you would only see in adult movies. You don’t want him to lose interest, you want him to remember that thing you do so well, he hasn’t said the “L” word yet, after all…

Peeling back the layers.

hannah — Wed, 06 Apr 2011 22:48:23 +0000

I met with a producer for this Reality TV show today that I’m now in the process of being considered for. The interview went well, I suppose. She wanted to know about the major story lines in my life right now. When I told her about my career quandaries, I could tell she wasn't too interested. When I started talking about my internal quandaries, when it came to my personal life, her ears perked up. I told her me and my husband were going through what some referred to as the “7-year-itch”, even though we hadn't been together for seven years, and I’d never seen the movie; but I was familiar with the premise. You meet someone, fall madly in love, bliss takes over, until one day you wake up and realize things are…mundane.

Can taking a Relationship Break Ignite Relationship Passion?

hannah — Tue, 15 Mar 2011 15:11:42 +0000

63% of you said "yes", and while I want to side with all you positive people, my personal experiences have proven otherwise. Maybe it was me, or maybe it was the other person, but every time I took this turn in a relationship, it eventually crumbled apart. The "break" created baggage, a baggage so large it inevitably lead to trust issues. As for passion...yes...I think a "break" can spark passion, ever heard of the "fighting and fucking" phenomenon? But it's probably not the healthiest way to do it. If you need a break, maybe what you really need is to move on.

Shopping and adventuring.

hannah — Thu, 16 Dec 2010 19:02:14 +0000

I'm not sure what's been going on with me lately. I feel like I've lost complete focus. True, this project I started with a client in October that was supposed to be long term is now up in the air. But instead of, oh, I don't know, working on the third Sex, Life, & Hannah book, or the Lila book, or my mom's craft book, or any of the number of other tasks that have not been completed yet, like taxes, I'm...shopping. And cleaning and blogging...but mostly shopping. This is not typical for me. I mean, I shop, but not as a daily activity. It's like I've become this housewife, but I don't even have a kid to justify my actions. I need some kind of balance in my life. I'm starting to feel, again, that a structured corporate environment might do me some good. Although I suspect I'd take issue with the hours, as I always do. It's not the office I mind going to, I'll go into an office for a client every now and then, it's the hour I'm supposed to show up and leave the office at that I've always taken issue with. So I should be looking for work, or new clients, especially with all this time on my hands, but instead...I'm thinking about that Victoria's Secret coupon burning a hole in my wallet, or that scarf I really like at Taylrz Joynt, or that sweater dress at Indexx... Things with hubbie have been going well. Except for my freak out this weekend over him volunteering to work a production. I thought he was just making the prop, but it turned into a nearly entire weekend thing. We didn't get to put up our christmas tree, and I turned into a raging bitch housewife.

Are you an erotic wine taster?

hannah — Sat, 11 Dec 2010 00:29:01 +0000

Q. Dear Dr. Sex, does an open relationship add spice in the bedroom, or is it a recipe for disaster?

A. What if I said it can be both? But you have to first define the terms and establish boundaries you can both handle. An open relationship occurs when two or more people (I can’t forget my polyamorous comrades) consensually choose to have additional erotic relationships with others in addition to their main relationship. Maybe you decide it’s alright to have an outside email romance, filled with erotic chat and sexy stories to spice things up. Some people give the OK for Skype Sex or webcam play as a way to offer visual variety to their partners. Others allow cuddle parties, anonymous sex, intimate or emotional relationships, plutonic partners, one-night stands, non-penetrative BDSM, and, well, the list goes on… What’s most important though, is that everybody involved is on the same page. Think you can handle an open relationship? Try this little exercise. Close your eyes. Imagine your partner getting physical or experiencing closeness with another person. Think about them conversing intimately, seductively undressing, massaging, performing oral, and then having intercourse. Get real specific and detailed when imagining this.