Sex, Life, and Hannah » relationships

To forgive, or not to forgive.

hannah — Tue, 31 Jan 2012 20:26:42 +0000

In dealing with the life experiences of friends, lovers, ex-lovers, and my sometimes charmingly bitter self, I've found that nothing puts grey hairs on the head (and a grudge in the heart) quite like infidelity. Even the suspicion of infidelity can take your relationship from we-just-made-love-on-the-virgin-white-Nassau-sand to you-can-keep-your-stinking-engagement-ring. There are a myriad of reasons why cheating happens, and it's rarely "because I hate you so much and just want you to have a hopelessly miserable life" (unless you're vindictively trying to get back at your ex...for cheating on you). Most of the time, the psychology behind cheating is much more complex than that. Often, the reason has little or nothing to do with the person afflicted. Yet this particular wrongdoing feels about as personal as personal gets. ...

Do Not Be This Girl

hannah — Thu, 19 Jan 2012 16:07:36 +0000

OMG. Where do I even begin? Thank god my relationship is way more honest, thank god we never had a wedding, thank god my husband inspires me to follow my heart...thank god I still have a life. Thank god I am not this girl, even though I have had moments of being this girl, and I completely blame society, family, and media for this, because we are never taught to just enjoy relationships for what they are, which could be a hot two-month affair, or a baby-daddy arrangement, or twenty years of friendship. We’re only taught how to evaluate whether they’re ripe for marriage or not, and if not, to move on, because god help us if we get stuck in a relationship without the potential of reaching that one goal we should all be aiming for, because it’s the only achievement that is ever going to make us really…happy. ...

Virginity…Round Two.

hannah — Fri, 13 Jan 2012 17:10:30 +0000

So, you bit the bullet. You called it quits on your relationship, before the holidays. Good on you. You are the 73 percent. And now that the box of liqueur chocolates has been scarfed, and your mother's "not ALL spinsters are unhappy" wisdom has been prescribed, and your married friends' Christmas cards have smoldered in your ﬁreplace, it's time to muster up some self-respect and think about dating again. Unfortunately, you know it's not as easy as slipping into a tight black number and shouting: Come and get me, boys! It's been awhile—perhaps a few years—and your game isn't quite as tight as the Versace in the back of your closet. ...

The Benefits of a Pre-Holiday Break-Up

hannah — Thu, 12 Jan 2012 01:27:57 +0000

photo: 1x43's Blog

If you didn’t do what Katy Perry did before the holidays you’re either selfish or on the fence, and definitely not one of the 73 percent that think you should have done it already, and while I understand, here are five reasons why it would have been better to break up with them before the holidays. ...

Things gone missing

hannah — Fri, 06 Jan 2012 23:31:23 +0000

This morning, I received this response in my inbox regarding Wednesday's post from Dr. Sex:

That was the best advice I've read about ANYTHING, in a long fucking time! Awesome and so, so, SO TRUE! I do know this about myself. My desire for women usually comes when I'm feeling unfulfilled with men, but I'm pretty darned sure it's more about me. Being with women makes me feel powerful in a different way than when I'm with men. I know I'm made to get a man off, but to get a woman off requires more, a lot more. I'm sure there's deep-seated stuff there that I may never recognize, but at least now I know it's more than just a sex thing.

...

Get Serious if You’re Serious About Having an Orgasm

hannah — Fri, 18 Nov 2011 17:08:54 +0000

I have an epiphany: Take your porn seriously people, and take your sex even more seriously, especially if you're serious about having an orgasm.

In defense of Kim Kardashian

hannah — Sat, 05 Nov 2011 00:18:55 +0000

I’m going to play devil’s advocate for just a moment, and I’m not saying that Kim K does not deserve all the smack talk she’s gotten over her failed three-month marriage, but, as a woman that has loved and lost many times before, I do feel bad for her. ...

RULES! Part 16.

hannah — Wed, 02 Nov 2011 19:28:37 +0000

photo: http://lucyindaskywithdiamonds.com/tag/true-love/

98. Being less picky can lead to unexpected surprises. Like, that guy, that has bad hair, and no style, and doesn’t do anything sexy for a living, and hangs out with a circle of friends you could care less about...could be the best sex of your life, or even better, emotionally gets you like no man ever has. 99. Emotionally draining relationships only prevent you from being completely open to finding something new. Like, that guy, that’s really hot, and has a six-pack, and is (was) in a band, and gets invited to all those red-carpet events...but still doesn’t know where your clitoris is, after you’ve had multiple sit downs with him, and was out of town for your birthday, accidentally of course. 100. Except for business and kids, there is no reason for you to be friends with your ex. Do you still think there might be an inkling of a chance? Do you still think he’s going to change? Do you still think the friendship is going to fulfill you like the relationship never did? See #99. ...

The State of My Relationship

hannah — Wed, 19 Oct 2011 15:04:23 +0000

A few months ago, I posted on my SLH FB and Twitter: The state of your relationship is all about the state of your mind. Today, this statement holds more truth to me than it did back then. In fact, I feel this statement is at the very epicenter of every relationship; the deciding factor in what makes or breaks a relationship. When I first fell in love with hubbie, I couldn’t imagine my life without him. I was completely invested, ‘til death do us part, and we weren’t even married. Our love was strong, and life was bliss. I had found my man, and I didn't need anything else. Then the “stuff” started piling up; at first financial, and then sexual, and that’s when I stopped being invested in the same way. Suddenly I felt different about us, our future, and whether I even wanted one with hubbie anymore. I didn’t start “looking” per se, but I definitely started feeling open to meeting other people, and seeing what might happen…

Sex, Europe, and Keeping Tabs

hannah — Tue, 04 Oct 2011 16:38:01 +0000

People have been asking whether going to Europe with hubbie brought back a romantic spark. My answer: Not really. But, I didn’t come back from Europe feeling like we should get a divorce either. Maybe because on our last night in Massa Lubrensa when I woke up at one in the morning, ran to the bathroom, slid back into bed, and started nudging him, freaking out, “I just got my period, holy shit, it’s our last night in Italy, oh my god, we’re not going to have sex on our European vacation. Do something! Save our marriage!” He did. He grabbed a towel, got on top of me, and we started fumbling, angrily, passionately, and had sex; and it wasn’t mind-blowing, but it felt connected on some other level, like we understood what we both needed, like there was still something left between us, and so, in fact, hubbie did save our marriage that night.

Am I crazy because I need more?

hannah — Fri, 22 Jul 2011 17:58:53 +0000

Q. I need some serious advice about this guy I have been dating for approximately two months. The first month was a little weird, because we met through a mutual friend, became instantly interested in each other, but I was dating someone else. We eventually went on two dates, and it became obvious to me that I should drop the other guy I was seeing. Then, as fate would have it, he went on vacation for 2 weeks and then I went on vacation for a week. So there were 3 forced weeks of not getting to see him, but I actually got to know him through phone calls, emails, and text messages while we were apart. When we finally reunited, things got REALLY hot and heavy, but over the last 4 weeks, I have noticed a pattern that is making me anxious. We will have the most amazing weekends; spend 3 days straight together. But come Monday, I won't really hear from him...until Thursday. And we'll make plans for our amazing Friday through Sunday bliss... but come Monday…it’s back to the same, and I get extremely anxious when there is little to no communication between us. I want to tell him that I need to communicate with him DAILY even if it's just talking on the phone for 5 minutes, but I don't want to come off as being crazy or needy. Is this normal dating practice? Is he playing games? Am I expecting too much, too fast? I really don't want to freak him out as it has technically only been 2 months (minus 3 weeks of vacation) of us seeing each other. Also, with this inquiry comes my next thing, which also makes me just as anxious: THE TALK. I want to ask him what he wants out of our relationship, and where it’s headed. I'm turning 28 in a few months and I don’t want to be wasting my time. So, I want to ask him all of those things, but I don't want to freak him out and ruin anything. Is it too soon? Should I wait? Do you think he'll freak out if I ask these things now? A. The first thing I want to say is this: Feel some level of security in the fact that you’re not “Monday through Thursday Girl”. The fact that he wants to spend his entire weekend with you, and isn’t brushing you off so that he can party with his buddies and see what else is out there, means he’s interested in you, in more than just a casual way...

Friends, attraction, and back-up plans.

hannah — Wed, 20 Jul 2011 15:33:42 +0000

Q. Hey Hannah, I have been wanting to ask you a couple relationship questions for a while now, I just keep chickening out because I am afraid of the answers. Basically the first question is this: If a woman you care about and love tells you she just wants to be your friend...is it because she really means that or...is it because you just don't meet all her qualifications as boyfriend material? Also, are you able to be friends with a man and still be attracted to them at the same time? To give you some background, our relationship started as friends, as she was married, but I began developing serious feelings for her. When she divorced, I revealed my feelings, which is when she let me know she just wanted to be friends. And now she's beginning a relationship with a new guy...and of course it is killing me! I feel you are the one who will give me a straight, truthful, knowledgeable answer on what I should do. A. Well my friend, the straight answer is: she’s not interested in pursuing a relationship with you. Now, I don’t necessarily think you don’t meet all her boyfriend “qualifications”. I think all of us have dated people on all ends of the spectrum; people that were seemingly everything we were looking for, and people that met none, or very little of our “qualifications”, yet the attraction was so strong we couldn’t help but jump their bones, and as a result, jumped on an emotional roller coaster ride that usually left us feeling more sick than satisfied...

Getting turned on by cartoons.

hannah — Tue, 12 Jul 2011 16:51:57 +0000

Yesterday, I posted a question to Facebook and Twitter: What do you need most from your significant other? All the responses I got were…very romantic: someone to laugh with, a sympathetic ear, an equal partner, respect. This did not make me feel any better about my reaction to hubbie Saturday night. We were watching porn. Because porn seems to be the only thing that takes our minds off of the multiple projects we’re juggling, and that’s kind of where we are with our sex life right now. We need a distraction, like anime school girls losing their innocence to the bad boy that has just rolled into town, to get aroused around one another. By no means do I consider this an ideal situation, but I’m down for whatever works these days. So I’m getting excited, quietly, because the fact that I’m getting sexually stimulated by a cartoon is kind of freaking me out, until I decide it’s time to make a move.

Another Question.

hannah — Thu, 30 Jun 2011 15:03:28 +0000

This time, from my inbox. Q. How much time should two people in a relationship spend together? A. I think when you’re crazy in love with someone you want to spend every waking moment with them, but you pace yourself, because you don’t want to look obsessed. And you create silly rules like: since we’ve been dating for a couple months now I think it’s appropriate we spend one weekday night and one weekend night together. But it rarely works out that way. Things usually end up moving way too slow, and you get impatient, and break up, or they move way too fast, and suddenly you’re living together. ...

Keep your eye on the prize.

hannah — Mon, 16 May 2011 20:35:03 +0000

photo: http://innumerablegoods.typepad.com/innumerable_goods/

Saturday night, hubbie and me watched Julie & Julia. The movie where a 30-year-old woman—with not much going on in the career department—decides to start a blog chronicling her quest to finish 500-some Julia Child recipes in 365 days. Meltdowns ensue. Meanwhile, 50 years prior, we watch Julia Child battling similar career-lacking issues and her quest to get her love for food published into a book back when the world thought housewives wouldn’t want to read a voluminous account of how to make high-end French recipes. The notions are simple, but in the end, so inspiring and uplifting, especially when a few hours prior you are having a conversation with your hubbie that goes something like this: