Posts Tagged ‘relationships’
by hannah
December 28th, 2009
Dear Dr. Sex, why is it that when we meet a potential suitor, suddenly we’re building them up to be the greatest lover in the world, or the sweetest this and the most amazing that—even if they’re a total a-hole?
Some intellectuals will go the biological route and say we go into hormonal overload when we first get down and dirty with someone, and everything from our ovaries and testes to our pituitary gland is in 5th gear. Cupid strikes, Venus rules the bedroom, and our blinders are on for the first six to nine months of dating. Our potential suitor can do no wrong (not even when he doesn’t return your call for three days) and the fact that he leaves the toilet seat up…is endearing.
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by hannah
December 12th, 2009
Whether we like to admit it or not, rebounds are born of an extreme state of fucked-uppedness. I’ve had my fair share, and so has Hannah, most famously with boy-next-door Ben. We like to think there’s potential; but, truth is, rebounds are an act of desperation, typically incited by liquor, and conveniently utilized by estranged lovers to win a race of Olympic proportions: The 100-Meter Move-On Dash.
Rebounds are fueled by any (or all) of the following emotions:
- Anger. Your new lover’s whispered nothings are answered with, “Shut the fuck up!” as you hurl yourself on top of him, engaging in a ferocious game of Whack-a-Mole with his balls. Guess whose moles you have in mind…
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by hannah
November 20th, 2009
When it comes to panky with the provider of your paycheck, there are only two possible avenues: staying celibate and secure, or shedding your shirt and forever struggling to keep it on your back.
Now, there’s always a possibility that it could play out like that one Hugh Grant flick—or every Hugh Grant flick—wherein Mr. Bigwig notices there’s something about that buttoned-up secretary hiding behind her file cabinet. He puts her on a special project…
