Posts Tagged ‘RULES’
by hannah
July 8th, 2010
20. If you meet someone with emotional herpes, RUN AWAY!
21. If you’re on the 22nd floor of a downtown LA high-rise and an earthquake hits, get under a table or other piece of furniture. If there isn’t a table near you, cover your face and head with your arms and crouch in an inside corner of the building. Read more here: http://www.fema.gov/hazard/earthquake/eq_during.shtm
22. Yes. Smoking is bad for you. I know, I know, a fag with a cocktail can be oh so tempting, but…it’s still bad for you. Chain-smoking especially. And if you do it long enough, it’ll just make you look like a tired, dried up old prune. And the smoker’s cough–not sexy…
by hannah
June 18th, 2010
15. If your Men’s Night involves seeing how many of ya can fit into a telephone booth, you’re gay. Or trying to relive your college years and need to move on.
16. If something doesn’t taste good, spit it out. And if you ordered it at a restaurant, tell the waiter. They need to know, and you shouldn’t have to pay for it.
17. It’s easier to get in anywhere if you’re on your own. Especially if you’re female, and wearing a cute outfit.
18. The larger a man’s balls, the more virile he is, so if you wanna get knocked up, don’t go for the big penis, go for the big balls.
19. Unless you have tickets to the Laker’s playoffs, you have no reason to be “going out” that night in downtown L.A. And if you have tickets, plan your exit the side of Olympic, not Figueroa. And have your cabby or driver pick you up at the Ritz Carlton.
by hannah
May 31st, 2010
8. Back-up your computer files once a week. I know it’s a pain in the ass, but it’s a bigger pain in the ass if you don’t and your computer crashes; and then you’re forced to beg your computer whiz friend to take time away from his Memorial Day weekend to save your life, which is all on your computer.
9. Don’t burn your diaries just because you’re getting married. I mean, burn ‘em if you’re over them or are tired of storing them, or don’t have a place to store them anymore, or you think it’s going to free your soul; but, NOT because you think your husband will read them and think less of you after. First of all, your husband shouldn’t be snooping through your shit, and YOU shouldn’t be snooping through his shit either. Second, your husband needs to love you for you, and that means everything about you–even if you did the unimaginable with the unimaginable before you met him. We ALL have a past. Unless you married the first guy you ever had sex with, and then, holy shit, cheers to you.
10. Always pee after sex. Urinary tract infections are not fun.
11. Clothes you love should be washed in “cold and gentle”, or hand washed, or not washed at all. Explain this to everyone you live with, or tell them to stay the eff out of your laundry…
