Posted by on Sep 3, 2010 in Life and Style | 0 comments

Hannah-on-the-Ford

PeeWee, one of my friends on FB, thinks I should go to San Diego this weekend and seduce hubbie. He also thinks we should have a real wedding one day. And that having kids doesn’t save a marriage.

PeeWee is full of good advice today. But I tell PeeWee I’m not in the mood for any of the above right now.

God I used to be such a bitch when hubbie would leave for a production gig. Like a night without him would just burst my little world. I’d make him pay for it, by whining or being cold-hearted or indifferent when I would see him or talk to him on the phone. I’m sure he was thinking “why the eff did I marry this attention whore?” It wasn’t about that though. I just want what I want, when I want it, and I can be really impatient.

Now, I want some alone time. I don’t think that makes him happy either. I know he was kinda upset that I didn’t want to drive down with him last weekend, “but I’ll be gone for three weeks.”

I stared at the ceiling as he packed and told him I needed to get more work done on the next book, and get my corporate sponsorship proposal finished, and continue looking for work. Get my life in order. Start kicking some ass and get somewhere with my life, like I used to be able to do, before this…identity crisis.

Besides, if I was going to seduce hubbie I would definitely need a Brazilian, and I don’t have the money for that right now. Sadly. I AM the cover story of this month’s Cosmo! Eeeeek. Except I know for a fact hubbie is NOT into bush. It’s probably good we don’t see each other for a couple weeks.

I’m also enjoying my girl time with our new roommate for the month, Berkeley. Every time she looks at my proposal she says “you can do better.” And she’s right. I like people that are honest, and smart, because I sure as fuck don’t need any “yes men” around me. “Yes men” just dumb you down.

So I guess I’m not completely alone, although Berkeley’s not around a lot. She’s also doing production work, and when she’s not, she’s trying to stop lamenting over her break-up with her girlfriend. I keep telling her “trust me, you’ll meet someone else, and someone even better for you.”

She likes that I make that statement so confidently. I tell her it’s ’cause I’ve been there and I know. I tell her even if hubbie and I were to break up we would both meet other people and move on. Nobody ever pines, alone, for a lifetime, except maybe some pervy stalker, but the majority of us move on.

Life is just not as romantic as we want to believe it is. It has romantic moments. And it’s bitchin’ when we experience those moments, but it’s also very real. It’s not like the movies. You want to believe it’s like the movies when you’re single, dating, looking for love. But even when you find that love you were looking for, there’s a reality that checks in eventually. It’s not good or bad, it just makes you realize that your time together is not going to be the day you fell in love on repeat. For better or for worse, for rich or for poor, in sickness and in health, that’s the reality.

Last note. I drove around hubbie’s big, old, diesel truck today. He likes to say it freaks him out, but I know deep down inside he loves the fact that I know how to drive big ass trucks. I’m sure it makes him feel like he didn’t just marry some bitchy attention whore, but a woman that knows how to handle things.