All right ladies, we’ve been going over this whole younger man thing for weeks now, and while I totally support the cougars in the crowd, I’m still not sure whether ALL us women should drop everything over 27 and start shackin’ up with a young pup.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m anything but closed-minded when it comes to getting frisky with fresh, firm, young meat. And while it’s exhilarating to know that my body is on par with the Spring-Break-going, beer-pong-loving skirts he chases, I find our time together to be a bit…sub par.
It always starts off with a bang. The clothes come off. He gazes at me, and I gaze right back. I fall deep into the throes of admiration for his supple skin, his firm abs, his pure puppy-chasing-a-frisbee excitability. And we start getting it on.
I tell him, “Faster.” He obliges. I tell him, “Slower.” He obliges. I grab his head as if adjusting the speed on a vibrator, and yell out, “Right there. Don’t stop. Don’t you dare stop!”
He lets out a jerk and a moan. And…stops.
I tell myself: I really don’t like orgasms, anyway.
Needless to say, I’ve never been sold on the youngins. I’ve always preferred the well-trained and experienced caresses of a matured man; although…that’s not always worked out in my favor either. So I’m starting to think I’ve been hanging around the wrong Kindercare, because the tots that 86% of you Think Tank voters are frolicking with seem to be top-notch.
Perplexed by the difference in opinion, I put on my academic hat and took to the books (err, Google). Turns out, young males’ attraction to older women is based on more than the fact that we can buy them beer, and we’re attracted to more than just the bragging rights.
Men reach their sexual peak between the ages of 18 and 22. Women reach theirs around age 30 (that’s one thing to look forward to). Bring two aptly-aged individuals together for a one-night stand (and not much more, quite frankly, unless you’re interested in a relationship with an Xbox), and sexual sparks can really fly.
If the lad has a case of Early Squirt Syndrome (like Ben), have no fear—it is fixable. Encourage him to practice the Start-and-Stop Method in his off time. Just as he is about to come, he should stop completely and collect himself, and then start up again. Over time, this will increase his stamina and make for some big-league boinking with his hot older mamma. And prepare him for the swarm of cougar’s that are ready to pounce.
And now, we’re getting off this young stud merry go round and getting on to some serious business: Is there really such as a thing as our one true love, our other half, “The One”?
Jenni Perez authored the 2008-2009 edition of the popular sex issues column, “The Wednesday Hump,” in UC Santa Barbara’s Daily Nexus. When she’s not contributing her thoughts about the trials of modern romance, she devotes much of her effort to sustainable living and recording music.